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time of month?

 
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mommy2-2



Joined: 24 Jun 2011
Posts: 234

PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 1:39 am    Post subject: time of month? Reply with quote

Hi all! Just a quick question. Do you ever find that your "urges" for another wax and wane with your cycle? I'm trying to keep track and I am amazed at how strong hormones can play into this, at least for me!
Don't get me wrong...no matter what time of month, I have a continuous "low hum" of a desire for another child despite the fact that it would not be quite logical for my family, but I find that when I am early to midcycle (ovulating I guess) logic goes out the window and I can feel almost desperate for a 3rd child. It becomes all I can think about. When I'm PMSing...like now...logic has a much heavier hand and I can "choose" to stick with 2 and during times like this, I'm not even sure about the 2 I have let alone a 3rd! (totally kidding...sort of!=-)
Again, my husband is thousands of miles away, so there is no chance, but I want to get it all figured out before he comes home! LOL (He'll be home for 2 weeks IN 2 weeks, but gone again for a few more months after that.)

Just wondering if anyone else feels this way. Also, I wonder if post partum hormones are different than before ever having kids. I wasn't sure I wanted kids (actually thought I did not) but right after having DD, I just HAD to have another (almost counted down months before we would try again) and after DS, I am now in the " do I have a third" boat.
Maybe some birth control pills would stop my ovulating and help me figure out what is the right thing to do without hormonal influence...
Any thoughts?
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2blue1pink



Joined: 23 May 2010
Posts: 228

PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 2:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm. . .

Well, for me at least, it's not a postpartum hormonal thing. I did have that overwhelming urge to have another when my DD was born. But, she's now 2.5 years old, and I'm still wanting another. So, clearly that's not the case for me.

It's been so long since I was on the fence, that I don't even recall if it was according to my cycle or not. I know that studies have indicated that women have a higher libido during ovulation, so it would make sense that you are "craving" a baby when you're fertile.
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mommy2-2



Joined: 24 Jun 2011
Posts: 234

PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 2:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

When I say "post partum" I meant more like, after having a child...not really a time limit. My DD is now 4, DS is 1 1/2 and before having kids, I didn't quite feel this intensity, but since DD, and now since DS, the desire is so much stronger and I keep waiting for it to subside, but it does not.

I also worry that, if it is hormonal, that I'll keep wanting more!
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nata



Joined: 19 Apr 2010
Posts: 297

PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 7:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I did have the same, really an urge for the 3d around my ovulation time...but I guess it si pretty normal, if you wasnt to conceivem that hormonally you get this feelings around the mid of your cycle... however, when we started TTC, the only time I was "normal" was while menstruating..the rest of the cycle I was wondering "am I going to get pg this month " or " am I already pregnant and can I start testing"? :)
But I understand you, I always have pretty bad PMS, when things seem to be a bit more gloomy, children/DH irritate a bit more than usual and thoughts about the 3d sometimes seem just crazy:)
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walkbyfaith



Joined: 03 Aug 2009
Posts: 499

PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 2:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I totally think it's related to the monthly cycle.
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2blue1pink



Joined: 23 May 2010
Posts: 228

PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 4:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ahh, ok. I wasn't sure if you'd just had a baby.

I've found that after each baby, I've felt differently.

After my first, I wasn't ready when I DID get pregnant with my second, lol. My first was 15 months.

The second, I was ready when he was about 2.5 years.

With the third, I was ready while still pregnant with her, lol.
When she was 3 months, I had this undescribable urge to have another. It was overwhelming and very confusing. Everyone was telling me about how crazy my life is and was going to be. They kept saying how DH should get a vasectomy because life would be so difficult. I don't know why I listened to them; most of them had 2 kids. Why would I take advice about 3 kids from someone that had 2? I should have trusted myself and my own feelings. Those other people aren't raising my family, I am. I'm still waiting for it to hit the fan. Maybe when they're teenagers? Noone has anything good to say about teenagers, lol.

I think it's just natural to want another baby. You know that you're only getting older and you're already raising kids, you may as well have them closer together. That way they can be playmates and grow up together and enjoy similar experiences.

As for being worried about the desire to keep having babies, that's my concern too. Frankly, I just decided that I'm not going to worry about that right now. Maybe after I add another, I'll feel full and complete. I only know that I'm not done now. Who knows how I'll feel after another comes along. Plus, I am positive that my husband will keep me from trying to single handedly populate the earth, lol.
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CAN'TDECIDE!



Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Posts: 968

PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 4:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I ALWAYS have the urge mid-cycle when I see how great my Ovulation is to ttc another child...all logic in my brain goes out the window. Now at almost 39 I also think, well how many more of these will I have....I mean I gotta run out of eggs eventually...LOL
To me it feels in a sick way like wasting a person each month....(laugh) In my mind I know its a VERY weird way to think...but still I go there every time. I just try to stay busy as much as I can during that time, or likely I would give in to that thought...
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mommy2-2



Joined: 24 Jun 2011
Posts: 234

PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 5:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks all! LOL I just told Dh that when he comes home from deployment, I'll make a calendar and he'll just have to go on business trips each time I ovulate if he doesn't want more kids! LOL

2blue1pink: I hadn't thought about that! THANK YOU! By "that" I mean the fact that everyone who thinks I'm completely out of my mind if I even hint at the idea of a 3rd, only has 1 or 2 kids! They are the ones pushing for one of us to get "snipped" and say how HARD it will be to have 3. But you're right...they have no idea how it actually is! The ones with 3 or more are the ones that tend to encourage me to go for it, especially my friend who has 5! (Though I worry...could it be a "misery loves company" kind of thing?! LOL)

Thanks for a new thought!
Also, Can't Decide...I can relate to your comment about "how many more times will I do this?" I'm 36 and I keep thinking..."Well, at least someday I'll hit menopause...maybe THEN I'll stop these hormonal cravings!"
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thinkingof3



Joined: 17 Apr 2008
Posts: 349

PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 6:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This was me when wanting a third to a "T". I went for the third and haven't regretted it since :)
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2blue1pink



Joined: 23 May 2010
Posts: 228

PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 6:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Putting your entire post together. . . . I'm wondering if it's your age that's playing a factor more than anything.

We can't have babies forever. In 10 years (and maybe even 5) you might not be able to change your mind and have another. With as much difficulty as I have with conception, there is not a chance that I'll be able to have a baby at 40 (despite my grandmother having a baby at 43 and another at 45). Yes, some women have no difficulty conceiving at that age, but it can be difficult/impossible to voluntarily have a baby at 40+.

Even if you aren't consciously thinking about it, your subconscious is letting you know that the clock is ticking. Maybe that's why it's on your mind so much.

And another thing about those folks that say you should have the big V or stop after 1-2 kids. . . . I honestly think that those people are really struggling to cope with their children and that's why they discourage people from having more. It makes them feel normal if everyone struggles as well.
That's not to insult anyone, just my own observation. I'm sure that stopping after 1-2 kids is the best choice for some families. And I'm not saying I don't struggle (I was ready to auction my toddler on e-bay today). But, from my own circle of friends, the ones that tell me how crazy I am and give me reasons why I should be done; are also those same people that self-admitedly don't want to care for their own kids.
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CAN'TDECIDE!



Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Posts: 968

PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 6:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yup, people always try to discourage others NOT to have more kids....mostly because as you said, they DO struggle with their kids and even some of them maybe wish they hadn't had children...sad, but true...I know many people like that!!! In my case I really haven't struggled much at all with my kids, only with the education part and now that we have homeschooled the last 3 years....will be starting year number 4...that issue is dealt with. My kids are, since birth likely the easiest kids on the planet....no tantrums, no whining...EVER and I am not kidding and far as sleeping....my boys slept through the night within 1-2 weeks of coming home, They could nap anywhere and were very agreeable...still are even at almost 13 and 15. So I am spoiled!!!! LOL Maybe why I want one more child????

BUT even if my kids weren't always easy, which they are of coarse :-)...I still feel like I would want just one more child...I too long for a bit more chaos. Everytime my boys have a friend over, I think how perfect it feels to have 3 kids and even when I had, briefly a foster son...3 STILL felt right even if the situation of fostering/our old agency wasn't right for us! So here I sit and think as you all do....the never ending battle of insanity continues.....
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2purpleflowers



Joined: 15 Jul 2007
Posts: 497
Location: Los Angeles

PostPosted: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I got like that too before I had #3. It was very much a cycle-related thing. It was mother nature, doing her thing, and you know what? It totally worked. We were a bit careless at a time that seemed "safe", and then before we knew what we'd done, DD3 was on her way.

Right now I don't notice my craving for a #4 are related to my cycle, but I have the Mirena now, and I bet that has something to do with it. Mostly it's just an urge for a baby that is always at the back of my mind, and sometimes pushes its way to the front. DH and I actually had a pretty serious talk about it on our anniversary trip, and DH was so sweet, really trying to address all of my fears of just going for it (most notably not having the time to be involved my girls' schools, and handling the day-to-day logistics of adding another child), trying to find a way to make it work. But when we started talking about sleep (and lack thereof), I pretty much had a PTSD flashback, LOL! Another 1-2 years of sleep deprivation? While trying to juggle the needs of three older kids? Am I nuts? What is it that I'm wanting when I think about wanting a 4th? I totally think in my case age does have something to do with it. Most of my friends are only now having their first babies. I am 33 now, and know I don't have forever. I think too that I am wanting that feeling of being a young mother again, the most incredible time of my life. I am definitely craving newborn and baby cuddles, the weight of a baby asleep on my chest in the sling, the adorable newborn snuffles next to me in bed in the middle of the night. I am missing the nursing too (my DD3 weaned about 3 months ago, just after her 2nd birthday).

On the other hand, I am NOT missing being so tired I think I could die, or trying to cook dinner while having to run out every 3 minutes to remove the toddler from whatever piece of furniture she's climbed on top of, having to tell my DD1 that I can't chaperone at the field trip again because I can't bring the baby, juggling the bedtime routine alone with an infant in the mix again (DH is often at work past bedtime)... and all of that comes as a package. If I had DH around all the time, if he was somehow independently wealthy or something, I think I'd have another right now. It's a joy to care for our kids together. I know we could handle one more if we're talking about both of us together... but I'm not quite up to the job on my own, and for most of the week, I'm on my own. So here we must stay.

Hope you figure out what is right for you!
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