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Playing with Fire?

 
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jaime28



Joined: 28 Jan 2009
Posts: 191

PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 6:35 pm    Post subject: Playing with Fire? Reply with quote

Hi Ladies, Bumps and Babes....
So as you all know, DH had the BIG V last month. It was mutual, we were on the same page (even though I was open about my feelings of sadness) I was ultimately happy with our decision and liked the thought of moving forward and having closure...

Damn the BIG V and the "Danger Zone" that follows it!!!

Last Friday night...sitting at the lake by the campfire and DH says something along the lines of missing that baby stage (we had just checked in on the kids and our littlest LO just looks huge in her portable cot!) I said with a sigh, OH, GOD, Me too! And he turned his head and said with a smirk "Well there are still my leftover swimmers, we can give it one last go and see what happens?" I responded "Dont tempt me" and changed the subject. I had just started my AF and quite frankly didn't feel like opening up that can of worms!! Either he was surely kidding or being sentimental, but now AF has just stopped I am on Day 8 of my cycle and guess what I am thinking about?!??!

Do I ask him if he were serious? Leave well enough alone? Then really? What are the chances? They dont give you the ALL CLEAR for 3 months after and we're 1 month post op, so techicially we have 2 months that are considered "dangerous", but really? Tempt fate? Play with FIRE? We made the decision for a reason, yet ever since that comment, I can't get it out of my head.

Then fast forward to last night temptation gets the best of us...TMI, but the bd was done and there was no, ahem, protection - at all iykwim. We didn't talk about it before or after (the first few times since the V was withdrawl) I mean, we're both grown ups, we know how these things happen. Being Day 8 (and my AF being wonky anyways, I know we're fairly safe) I definitely dont want to make a big deal of it...I am the one that would be fine with tempting fate...I truly beleive what is meant to be is meant to be! Given all my history this year, coupled with the V, I mean, seriously could it even happen?

I am so mad...Just when I thought this was all over with...Here I am again!!!

Thoughts??? (besides telling me i am nuts)
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CAN'TDECIDE!



Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Posts: 968

PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 7:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well Your NOT nuts that's for sure! I have that same dance, if you will with my DH ALL the time...do we do it or don't we! My DH is technically medically sterile and always has been...yet we have our boys...so a Vasectomy IMHO won't mean much as he should for all intensive purposes BE sterile..but here and there I find myself thinking..hmmmm....every single month. The thought passes my mind every ovulation and as I approach 39 in just a few days I always think...how many more GOOD ovulation's am I going to have before my childbearing years are over? These thoughts only make things worse for me and my DH because our desire has been for us to adopt...which hasn't worked out. DH and I then begin to think...well maybe we should seriously just throw caution to the wind and just REALLY try..but then both of begin to self-doubt with my health, our ages and our lifestyle being active. I SO enjoy being outdoors, on a bike, and not tied down. YET we want more kids....LOL

Oh I am and have been where you are at....honestly if you have any doubt you truly want more kids....you could try and if it doesn't work in the months that aren't YET safe, then you know you are for sure done. Trying to reverse a vasectomy is hard and in my DH's case, won't be possible. So you have just these last few months to finally decide what YOU want! Many people have vasectomy's for many reasons, for us it would be hopefully an end to a chapter so we don't have to continue thinking should we or shouldn't we. My DH just turned 42 and though we HAD planned on him having a Vasectomy last year, things came up and really I don't feel for us anyways it was the right time. Even if I know my chances of WANTING to ttc are slim, still because adopting hasn't been successful...I think both of us NEED the ttc option open for a bit longer, just in case we want to do it at the 11th hour. Every one of us is different on how we MOVE ON..and only you can decide when that time is for you and your family...but just know I really feel your thoughts/your DH's too are so normal. Even when you/me or any of us make a decision its so easy to doubt that choice and part of it really is sad to know its time to move on. I think its important to sit down with your DH and discuss things openly if you guys do have even the slightest doubt you may want to have one more. That way before he isn't able to have kids anymore due to the vasectomy, you guys will be totally at peace with your decision. Good Luck!
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kkimbrell



Joined: 11 Jun 2010
Posts: 192
Location: Snellville, GA

PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 9:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would definitely have a heart to heart with him about what he is thinking and why he said that. A V is such a huge decision, and I know I'll need to know exactly where both DH and I stand for those moments of doubt that will surely come up in the future.

Not to add more anxiety to your life....but IF there is that slim chance that both of you might be ok with another one, then you could just not use protection and see if you might conceive these next 2 months. Then you would know for sure it was meant to be...just a thought.
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walkbyfaith



Joined: 03 Aug 2009
Posts: 499

PostPosted: Sat Jul 16, 2011 12:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Come on, you KNOW you want to!! ;)
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mommy2-2



Joined: 24 Jun 2011
Posts: 234

PostPosted: Sat Jul 16, 2011 2:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok, so if you think the result is something you could live with or even be happy about, and your Dh is obviously playing with fire, not using protection or doing "his part"...he knows what the result could be.

My thought? Just enjoy the next couple months. Don't "try", don't count days, just go ahead and have unprotected intimacy and see what happens. It can be fun and exciting. Chances are you wouldn't get pregnant, but you COULD. If you are not pregnant in the next 2 months, and he gets checked, and you get the "all clear" you will both know that you left the "door open" and if it was meant to be, it would have happened. I think it might give you some extra peace about the decision.
If you DO get pregnant, you figure it out and just go with it with your "bonus baby".

Enjoy!
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nata



Joined: 19 Apr 2010
Posts: 297

PostPosted: Sat Jul 16, 2011 6:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jaime, I think there is no harm of giving it a try...what worreis me, how will you guys feel about the whole thing in a 3 months time if you do NOT get pregnant??? Because it sounds that you both are kind of not completely finished with having kids...
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jaime28



Joined: 28 Jan 2009
Posts: 191

PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 4:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

with 3 kids, being ill this past year and just the plain fact i love ALL that is baby, i had to do alot of soul searching...but i did ultimately end up being okay with the decision of the Big V (even with all this tempting fate hoopla, regret has never come across my radar) i am happy, content and truly blessed with what i have.

i love what mommy 2-2 said:
Just enjoy the next couple months. Don't "try", don't count days, just go ahead and have unprotected intimacy and see what happens. It can be fun and exciting. Chances are you wouldn't get pregnant, but you COULD. If you are not pregnant in the next 2 months, and he gets checked, and you get the "all clear" you will both know that you left the "door open" and if it was meant to be, it would have happened. I think it might give you some extra peace about the decision.

I do feel like that this may be the way to go...I would feel satisfied that we left the door open when given the opportunity - and also provides the peace of mind knowing "what is meant to be is meant to be"....I don't think I would be sad if nothing happened. I really came to terms with the V, it's just dealing with this damn danger zone, LOL! It doesn't help when DH is ready to roll the dice either....Like we're both pleased with what we have, but a 4th could be the bonus you know?

I wonder what the chances are?!?!
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CAN'TDECIDE!



Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Posts: 968

PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 7:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'd say, from my personal experience...jaime28..pretty darn good!


As I have said a MILLION times on this site...my DH is medically sterile..has been since the age of 13...was NEVER supposed to have kids!!!! When we had his sperm checked....they confirmed what DH was told as a teen, no way we'd ever have kids. Well..obviously we defied odds and his sperm count is so low, pretty much 6-12 GOOD sperm if he's lucky so for MY opinion is if my DH can get me preggo with that...well then anything IS possible! ;-)
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