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would you/did you do ivf (or ivf with icsi) for a third?

 
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wantingathird



Joined: 30 Mar 2010
Posts: 11
Location: USA

PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 2:03 pm    Post subject: would you/did you do ivf (or ivf with icsi) for a third? Reply with quote

We've been trying for 12 months now to conceive #3. I'm 38 and DH is 41. Our kids are 2 and 4 (both conceived naturally). We have tried two medicated cycles (one with IUI and one with timed intercourse) and, obviously, no luck.

We had an IVF consult yesterday. The doctor said he'd do regular IVF if the sperm count was high enough, but if it was low (which my husband's was during our IUI cycle), he'd do IVF with ICSI.

I am totally torn about how or if to proceed with this. On the one hand, I feel like I should just let go of the idea of having a third and stop trying interventions. But that makes me deeply sad. On the other hand, part of me wants to go full speed ahead and do everything we can to make this happen. But I worry about having a child with serious special needs and what that would do to our two kids and to our marriage. I am aware that there are risks even with a natural conception, but this just feels different somehow.

I have read tons about the genetic risks associated with IVF and ICSI. And that only makes me feel more concerned and conflicted. I really don't know how to decide whether to proceed.

What would you do?
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CAN'TDECIDE!



Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Posts: 968

PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 5:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I went through 3 years of fertility issues at the age of 20...many of those years and time were spent at many different doctors ttc.....I never went through IVF but went as far as ICI and IUI and both never worked. I was never put on any meds at all because I am in the reproductive area....in excellent shape. In my case it was entirely male infertility (DH is considered medically sterile) and we wanted a child badly. Yet here I was, in awesome shape and I couldn't get pregnant...we even went as far as eventually to use donor sperm.....and again no success. The doctors were baffled and so were we. I was tired, depressed and discouraged at what to do next. I was too young to adopt, wasn't married long enough, etc though back then could have afforded adoption , LOL and at that point too mentally sad to do anything else more extensive.

Fast forward, I gave up the fertility treatments and assumed some day I would adopt...after all I wanted to adopt anyways.....then one day I found I was sick...and yup I was pregnant the all natural way. I then M/C and 3 weeks later was pregnant again, again the all natural way. I have told this story over and over again on this site and to everyone who struggles to conceive. In my opinion I feel like everything is in Gods timing...no matter how much I wanted it....it was not time...it was not meant to be until God wanted it for me. I know in my case, as I have struggled for YEARS trying to adopt....I need to remind myself that its the same exact thing, that its in Gods hands.

In your case, you need to really trust your gut instinct, or if you are a believer, pray to find out what you should do next. I know for me, I KNEW not to go forward with IVF or anything else after the last fertility treatment...while I was soooo sad to stop...something told me to stop and not do it anymore..the feeling was so strong, yet the part of me that wanted a child, wanted to go forward...but in the end I trusted my instinct to stop and looking back NOW it was the best thing I ever did. Had I not stopped DH and I would not have our boys..neither would be biologically my husbands child...and while to us that wouldn't have mattered, I know how neat it is to see my DH look at two HUGE miracles that he was NEVER supposed to have...just an amazing thing. Only you know if you should proceed, your gut, your instinct will tell you IF its right. Sometimes, we have this "feeling" to ward off what could have happened had we proceeded. For me it was SO hard to walk away but I KNEW sad as it was that it was the RIGHT thing to do. Just think hard in your case what the right thing for you to do is? I am 39 and its hard to just sit and wait knowing that with each year our chances of adopting will get harder as DH and I age out of some programs and the fact we ARE getting older now....but somehow its just not working for us...so I am applying the same principle to my attempt to adopt as I have in the past with my attempts to conceive...waiting on God and proceeding when he says to proceed. Good Luck!
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2blue1pink



Joined: 23 May 2010
Posts: 228

PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 6:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

((hugs))

My ONLY concerns regarding IVF/ICSI are what to do with the leftover embryos. I wouldn't want to donate them to another family, nor would I want to discard them. So. . . what to do with them? Leave them frozen indefinately? Maybe, but eventually a choice has to be made.

My doc told me ICSI babies have a higher incidence of hypospadias (where the urethreal opening is on the under side of the penis, as opposed to the tip). I figure that if I was a man and my choices were either life with the possibility of needing a surgical procedure to correct my penis, or no life at all. . . I'd go with life.

Would I do it? Yes, I would.

We'll see what the next few cycles bring for me. But, if they result in nothing, and I'm at cycle #20 of perfectly timed intercourse, and 4 IUIs and still nothing, I'm sure it will be up for consideration.

The flip side, of course, is you have to consider that it might not work. That might sound pessimistic, but after this long with infertility, you get that way (you know what I'm talking about). Could you handle the disappointment of a failure? I'm not sure if I could. I hate to say that I wouldn't do something just because I'm afraid that it would/could fail, but I guess I am. That might be the other reason I would be slightly reluctant to try it. Right now, I'm not at a place where I could handle that disappointment. It would rip me apart. Failing at natural conception is one thing, failing at IUI is a whole different ballgame, and I think that failing at IVF would be even compounded to that.

So. . . . I don't know. I do think that you have a good chance with IVF/ICSI, if you do decide to try it.

Can you let go of the idea of wanting another if you decide to do nothing? Can you make peace with giving up that dream? If you do, please send me the recipe. . . .
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walkbyfaith



Joined: 03 Aug 2009
Posts: 499

PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 8:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just wanted to offer one more option to consider on your bucket list...adoption. All three of my daughters were adopted internationally and it was a wonderful journey for us. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

If you ever decide to consider it and have any questions, I'd be happy to help.
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opal



Joined: 19 Aug 2010
Posts: 24

PostPosted: Fri Sep 23, 2011 1:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I had IVF with the ICSI and got pregnant the first time. I was pregnant with twins and lost one very early on. I have a healthy almost 4 year old boy now. He did have health problems when born but not sure if it was from doing ivf or just that was just him. But today he is healthy and normal. None of my left over embryos were savable to be frozen so I really didn't have to decide, although at the time I was a complete mess because now if I wanted a baby again I would of had to go through the whole procedure again or if that round of IVF didn't work what would I do because at the time I didn't know if it worked or not. It wasn't easy -a very emotional time with lots of Dr. appointments and shots in the end though I had a wonderful result.

I actually got pregnant naturally on our own 3 months after giving birth to our 1st son.

If it were today and I was trying for a 3rd child and it wansn't happening I dont' think I would do IVF only because I don't think I could deal the emotional part. I would consider adoption or just be happy with my 2 sons.

Not sure if what I wrote helped you or not. Just hope you can come to a decision you are happy with inside. Follow your heart.
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CAN'TDECIDE!



Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Posts: 968

PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 6:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Walkbyfaith...thanks for always bringing up the wonderful option of adoption!!! As I wait and wait and WAIT....ugh....It SO reminds me of the days I was ttc...really no different...oh how I SO wish I HAD pushed my DH to adopt more when we absolutely had the cash to do it! :-( Now, years later we have to keep saving...while time continues to tick away. In moments of weakness I can say ttc comes to my mind...but oh would I so rather desire to adopt...but as I always say....its all in Gods hands..but geez...so wish I KNEW what was to be..as I am sure many of us on this site are wondering.....
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maybe3



Joined: 09 Apr 2009
Posts: 102

PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2011 12:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If we could afford it and I really wanted another, I would do it for sure. It took me a long time to get baby #3 (and a few trips to the fertility clinic due to repeat losses), but now that he's here, he's for sure worth it. If you really want another one, if it wouldn't create a lot of financial stress for you and if you feel that you might regret not trying if you didn't do it, then I would go for it. On the other hand, if you feel like you could handle it if it doesn't work out trying naturally and/or if $$ is a big factor, then it may be best not to.
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Lagniappe70



Joined: 17 Jul 2011
Posts: 2
Location: Southern California

PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 7:01 pm    Post subject: We're in the middle of IVF/ICSI now. Reply with quote

Just wanted to offer some support regarding the idea of risk using IVF/ICSI. We have two children (4 and 1) conceived using IVF/ICSI and both are just as healthy as can be. We have just started BCPs for a second round of IVF/ICSI for our third. I've been on the IVF road a long time and have certainly wondered about the risks of a child with special needs but can find little evidence to support much worry (other than the worry that all moms do :)). I think I have more risk given my age (41) than as a result of the procedure. My thoughts are that the eggs have to be in pretty good condition in order to make it through the process and implant as healthy embryos. According to my doctors, genetically abnormal embryos are more likely to end up as failed cycles or very early miscarriages. Not that a miscarriage is ever a good experience..

I'm happy to chat with you if you have any questions about the process. Best wishes to you.

PS Just wanted to say that I love the idea of adoption, too. I'm lucky to have a beautiful niece as a result of int'l adoption.
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2blue1pink



Joined: 23 May 2010
Posts: 228

PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 12:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

lagniappe- that's a wonderful story.
I hope you have success with the third attempt.


How many cycles of IVF have you done to get your children?
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Lagniappe70



Joined: 17 Jul 2011
Posts: 2
Location: Southern California

PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 2:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the kind words, 2Blue1pink! Our first son was conceived in one try. It took three cycles for the second (the first failed and the second ended in early miscarriage). So, I guess the short answer is that we hope 6 complete cycles over as many years for 3 kids. Wow, that sounds like a lot!

I must say that I've never had many eggs develop and never had any extras to freeze. Two of the cycles were single egg transfers. I was also very fortunate to work for companies based in NJ where IVF coverage is mandated and worked for a company that makes several of the meds needed for IVF. If our insurance had not been so good, I don't know that we would have persisted with IVF this long.

So glad to have found this site. I still have moments where I wonder if I am doing the right thing for our family and it's great to know I'm not the only one.
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