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waterbabe



Joined: 28 Feb 2012
Posts: 10

PostPosted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 7:32 am    Post subject: New to the forum Reply with quote

Hi,

Although I have been to havingthreekids a few times, I hadn't realised the forum was here and still active. So let me introduce myself:

I'm waterbabe, I'm 35 and I live in New Zealand. I have a DH, a DD (4y10m) and a DS (3y3m). I have been thinking about having another for awhile now and looking forward to sharing my thoughts and conundrums with others who are/have been where I am at.

Initially having 2 kids 19 months apart was tough and it took until my son toilet trained that I thought "Ok now I could handle another." By that time, I'd been back at work full time and we have been enjoying a bit of money coming in, my career getting back off the ground etc. But despite a multitude of reasons not to, I keep coming back to the idea that if we don't, I'll regret it.

So reasons not to:
1) Money - it means we'll be spending longer in the daycare years...
2) Levels of patience
3) what if I get PND again (had a bit after number 2, probably driven by stress and the global financial crisis happening right when son was born and putting stress on DH and I)
4) Coping with pg at 35/36
5) starting to get lives back - DH able to enjoy his hobbies without me being all grumpy about it.

Reasons to:
1) If I don't, I regret it
2) family doesn't feel complete
3) I'm one of seven (including step siblings and half sis) and I LOVE the big family thing at Christmas when we're all there (well usually 3-4 of us) with our partners and kids.
4) I can't imagine the baby stage is over and done with.

um... so hi
:D
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waterbabe



Joined: 28 Feb 2012
Posts: 10

PostPosted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 8:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Have to add -
I asked DH the other day, on scale of 1-10 (1 being never, 10 being let's TTC now) how he felt about a 3rd.

He's a '4'
I'm a '7' - I'm not a 10 because the timing isn't quite right for us yet.

But otherwise all systems would be go if I had my way.

Anyway, anyone have a DH less than enthusiastic about the idea?

x
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opal



Joined: 19 Aug 2010
Posts: 24

PostPosted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 3:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi and Welcome

My husband really doesn't want anymore but I do. He says he's too old- he's 48 today it's his birthday actually. I'm 36 I said 35 was my cutoff but here I am 36 and still wanting a third. Some days when my 2 boys are driving me crazy I'm like 2 is enough. But still in my heart I want 3.
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2Princesses



Joined: 23 Feb 2012
Posts: 14

PostPosted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 4:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello!

Well, like you commented in my post, I can very much relate to you! I want to tell you to go for it but then I should tell myself too!
The only red flag I see is you wanting it more than your hubby. I know for me, its very important that he's on board b/c I don't want him later saying "well you're the one who wanted this" when I complain about things! I want us to say together "what did we do?" lol

Good luck in your decision. I was thinking this morning that I (we) have a long time to ramp up the career and earn money...but only a relatively short window to add to our family. When I'm 60 and have plenty of money but two kids, I think I will regret it and realize I was being short-sighted...

I've pretty much decided I'm in for 3, but since I still have a year+ till the timing is right, I reserve the right to change my mind!

Tell yourself you're going to go for it and see how makes you feel - happy? Panicked? Scared? That might help you sort it out.

Good luck!
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kkimbrell



Joined: 11 Jun 2010
Posts: 192
Location: Snellville, GA

PostPosted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

welcome to the site! You and I are in a kind of similar situation with our oldest two. I have a 4 yr old and almost 3 yr old (16 mo apart) and a 3rd that just turned one. I am also 36, so my age is a bit of a factor for me. If I were 5 years younger, I think we would definitely add another in a few years, but feeling like I don't have a whole lot of time, and we are definitely still in babyland here, the thought of another in a year or so is quite overwhelming.

I would like another, and really wish my DH was enthusiastic, but he is totally not. I am backing off from the subject for a few months to give it a little time b/f we talk again. unless he has a major change of heart I don't think we will be adding another. We are very happy with three though! It is a lot of fun.
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waterbabe



Joined: 28 Feb 2012
Posts: 10

PostPosted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 7:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="2Princesses"]
The only red flag I see is you wanting it more than your hubby. I know for me, its very important that he's on board b/c I don't want him later saying "well you're the one who wanted this" when I complain about things! I want us to say together "what did we do?" lol

I totally agree with you - another reason why I haven't thrown caution to the wind. Need to wait for him to come around. But at times, tempting to do so.... Bad me for even thinking ti, am not a manipulative woman.
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mommy2-2



Joined: 24 Jun 2011
Posts: 234

PostPosted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 11:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Welcome!
My Dh always said he only wanted 2 (well, after we had 1 because at first we hadn't planned on having kids at all, but we love it!) and since #2 has been born, he's made jokes about a 3rd, but that's all I thought they were. When we talked he'd say "we should be done, we're older, etc." and I'd agree and spend day after day trying to get it out of my mind and convince myself 2 is enough. Then finally, after a "joke" comment, I broke down and told him how these comments are difficult for me and how I've often thought of a 3rd, and that he needs to stop bringing it up in jokes, etc. as I have tried so hard to get it out of my head. He smiled and said, "I'm not joking". Even now, we banter back and forth, both unsure of what to do...but the reason I'm telling you this is because he might not be as against it as you originally think. :D Does he know how you feel? For real?
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nata



Joined: 19 Apr 2010
Posts: 297

PostPosted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 12:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Welcome!
My DH was not on board for about a year..I think he was a "2" in the beginning, and a 7-8 when we started TTC our third. I was a 6-7 all the time, lots of the same things you mention..my age (was 35), level of patience, money, my work, one more issue was no help from grandparents etc.
Anyway our number 3 just turned 7 months in the end of February. I was 36 when she was born. I had a relatively easy pregnancy (at least not more difficult than with the other 2 when I was younger), though I did make myself crazy through the whole pregnnacy about waht if the child is born with some problems (I kept having the thought that we were blessed with 2 healthy children, why want another..what if..I am already 36...Down syndrome and all these kind of things...)
One thing I can tell you - I don't regret it, the decision to have a 3d one. I feel complete and in peace with myself. Is is tough, managing 3 kids, but it can be done. The level of patience is still some thing I need to work at :)
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waterbabe



Joined: 28 Feb 2012
Posts: 10

PostPosted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 9:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Nata, that's a really encouraging post. Dh has just found out that he got a promotion so I think I'll wait until he's been in the role a few months and then broach TTC. I run out of the Pill in June... might just not get anymore or something around then.
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