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Worried that Grandparents won't babysit 3 kids

 
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AMiniMe



Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Posts: 35

PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 12:40 am    Post subject: Worried that Grandparents won't babysit 3 kids Reply with quote

We're still on the fence about having a 3rd child and I guess one of our wonders/worries is that the grandparents will not want to watch 3 kids for date nights/overnights. Both sets of grandparents live near us so we feel quite lucky. I guess I feel like for us and for them, 2 kids is pretty manageable, one for each person. With the one set of grandparents, it is mainly my mother in law doing all of the care, she is the one who wants them over, my father in law goes about his own business and does house projects, works outside, whatever, he's hardly around my kids when they are over so it's mostly her taking care of them. I'm worried that they will not want to care for 3 kids for a date night or have all of them spend the night like they do now, afraid 3 will put them over the edge too:/ I know that we shouldn't base our decision on what they think or how they are going to feel but honestly, we do enjoy our date nights and overnights and some time to ourselves, helps keep us sane:) Not sure what to do or how to think about this. What should I do, just ask them if they would watch 3 kids on occasion? lol.

If you have 3 kids, who watches them for you? Do they mind? Is it doable for someone else to watch 3 kids? Please tell me "yes":)
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CAN'TDECIDE!



Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Posts: 968

PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 5:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I worried about the same thing now that we are adopting. And my two older kids are teens almost 14 and 16, so my parents would only need to watch one child, really. But in my case, my Mom and Step-Dad are around 76 years old and my Mom had open heart surgery last spring...so for us, there is that thought that maybe all our date nights, overnighters, etc might not happen with this child as it has been all these years with our last two.

But my feeling is this... look at the whole picture, ages, health and how much time you truly want alone, as a couple etc.....and decide even if they couldn't watch them often or even at all what you would/could do in the event so you STILL could get away. I know for me, it is a legitimate worry,who will watch our next child...but DH and I decided, that there is no guarantees in life that any of us will be around for tomorrow, so we will take day by day, year by year and just do what we can do to keep our alone/couple time going. This is very important to us so we will do whatever it takes to have that time. In our situation, luckily our older two can step in and watch our child....but still...my advice is to decide for yourself what you want. But just don't let that be the deciding factor....as kids do grow up. Good Luck!
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Pepper100



Joined: 12 Jan 2009
Posts: 142
Location: Hull, England

PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 9:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This was a worry of mine too. My parents look after my children when we go on date nights, nights out with friends, work (I used to work 2 days a week, went down to one day and am currently on maternity leave) and if I need to do anything with one of the dc or the PTA. My Dad does help out if needed when they are there and playing (he is the fun one) but it is mainly my Mum. She is amazing though and now that we have 3 dc and my sister has 2 dc (ages 8, 4, 3, 7 months & 4 months) she often has them all together. She actually had them all for the day last week by herself as my Dad was working.

Occasionally we go out with my parents and my PIL are asked to babysit. They only sit at our house (no overnighters) as they only have a small place but I was worried this would stop as MIL was against us having 3 dc's.

Fortunately, she got over it and loves DS2. She has babysat a few times at our house and had all 3.

My sister also would have all 3 for me as would one of my good friends. I am very blessed to have them all.

I wouldn't have let this stop me having number 3 but I can understand why it is a worry.
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walkbyfaith



Joined: 03 Aug 2009
Posts: 499

PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 10:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Would it be possible, at least while the baby is little, to have one set of grandparents watch the two big kids and the other set of grandparents to watch the baby? When the kids are little, I think it could be a lot for grandparents. Although, the kids probably behave better for the grandparents anyway! Haha. But I will say I wouldn't let this affect your decision. My youngest is now 5 and heading to kindergarten next week, and having three has gotten really easy! So if you think long-term, it may be difficult for a few years, but that season of life will fly by before you know it. My kids are now 5, 8, and almost 10. I don't think it's any harder than having two.
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AMiniMe



Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Posts: 35

PostPosted: Mon Aug 20, 2012 3:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was very curious and asked both my Mom and mil today, lol. I talked to my Mom on the phone and asked if she and my Dad would still help out with date night if we had 3 kids and she said something like "Oh we wouldn't stop date nights, we'd try it out with three kiddos" something like that so it was refreshing to hear that they would at least try this 3 grandkids thing and not cancel our date nights right off the bat. I asked my mil in person when we picked up our kids today (they spend the night) and she seemed to be less apprehensive about it and said something like "Of course I wouldn't mind 3 grandchildren at my house at one time to spend the night!", she's definitely more into them and having company over. I know I shouldn't base our decision on a 3rd on what they had to say but overall, I feel better knowing that 3 grandkids at once wouldn't scare them off, haha.

I love my kids but we also enjoy our date nights/overnights too:) I'm glad to hear life can go on as is if we had a 3rd down the road, what a relief, lol:)
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mommy2-2



Joined: 24 Jun 2011
Posts: 234

PostPosted: Mon Aug 20, 2012 10:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It has definately been an issue in my decision making...my parents live 4 hours away (my ILs do not live in country) and they do watch our 2 kiddos occasionally when they visit so Dh and can go out, and we've actually been away on a vacation after he returned from deployment while they watched the kids. They're also hitting 70 next year, and I have very active and strong willed kids, so they get tired with just the 2 of them. What I've been thinking lately is that, even with my 2, if i can't hire a babysitter, we just don't go out. Guess it would be the same with 3 (and also, if 3 ever did come along, the others would be older...and hopefully easier! or at least past the stage where you have to watch all of them like hawks to keep them simply alive! =0)
Finally, as my parents are getting older, I know they will not be around forever (breaks my heart and try not to think of it) but it's reality and I don't want to make decisions based on them...(and they ARE NOT supportive of another kid...)
Can'tDecide: Are you adopting?!?! Hadn't heard from you in ages! Start a new thread and do tell! (Or did I miss it?)
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CAN'TDECIDE!



Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Posts: 968

PostPosted: Mon Aug 20, 2012 4:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My Dad passed away when my oldest was 10 months old and my Mom and Step-Dad have been watching my kids for almost 16 years and now that we are adopting...finally...I also get sad thinking about the fact that since DH took SO long to come around, that now it will be harder for my parents to take care of another little one, especially since my Mom had open heart surgery last spring and both are around 76 years old now. I too wonder how many more years we will have them! :-( Just hard to think about it all. But in the end, we want more kids so whatever will be, will be...I think for the most part its important to listen to yourself regarding more kids...I HAVE always felt like if someone is missing from my family, they ARE missing. Having a desire for a "baby" is different then having a feeling someone IS missing....so whether you have help, no help or more help then you need caring for another child....if there is an empty spot someone is NOT there.....its important to trust that and move forward cause in the end everything will work out the way it was meant too! :-)
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