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so confused!

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Joined: 11 Jun 2010
Posts: 192
Location: Snellville, GA

PostPosted: Thu Oct 20, 2011 7:03 pm    Post subject: so confused! Reply with quote

I had a bit of a scare yesterday...I've been feeling what I thought were early pregnancy symptoms and got really freaked out. My youngest is only 8 mo! Been down that road b/f with my first 2, and I was in tears thinking I might be pregnant again! Well, I got a test after DH got home and as we sat there waiting to see the results we talked about what we would do if it were positive. I had him convinced I was. Though it wasn't our first choice that I would be, we were thinking of the positives....we'd pull it together and be happy, be excited to have a "big family" and make things work. I was also thinking at least the battle in my mind would be settled over having another b/c I know for sure I don't want 5.

Well, the test was negative and we both had a huge sigh of relief. B/f I got the results, all afternoon I was thinking....well, if this is negative, I will know now that I definitely am NOT ready for/wanting another baby....but now, I am so confused. Today (this morning) I've been kind of sad. I mean, I am really glad....relieved....but I just think that I DO want another....just not right NOW. But, that confuses me so much. I am also really, REALLY looking forward to getting my life back and leaving the baby stage, DH even more than me, I think. I am trying so hard to discern my true desires....to make a good decision. Giving it a few more years isn't any help b/c I am now 36. I would not want to wait much longer than 6 or more months from now to get pregnant again.

anyways.....agh!!! this is driving me nuts. All logic aside...this is what bothers me most: when I hear of someone else pregnant or of another family with 4 kids, there is a twinge in me....a thought of--that could be us, and though I do not want to be pregnant right now, I'm afraid I will regret it down the road if we don't have another. I just want my heart to match up with my head on this one. I know I am in good company here. this is so hard!
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Joined: 24 Jun 2011
Posts: 234

PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2011 1:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wish I had some words of wisdom...but I don't. Just sending you lots of kind thoughts and hopes for peace in whatever decision you come to...Why oh WHY can't these decisions be easier?? Just think of those old "Choose Your Own Adventure" books (am i dating myself? LOL) No matter which path you chose, the ending was still pretty awesome!
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Joined: 03 Aug 2009
Posts: 499

PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2011 1:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

OMG, I loved those books!! I had forgotten about them. And I think your advice for kkimbrell was spot on....no matter which path you choose, the ending is pretty awesome. :)
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Joined: 01 Dec 2009
Posts: 86
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2011 9:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

yep I could have written this when deciding for number 3. We decided to go for number 3. I am still not convinced that I will not completely go through this again with number 4, but I think my head will take over next time and not my heart. I think I know deep down that 3 is my limit and really I couldn't handle a fourth even if I wanted to.

I say you still have time to think about it, don't rush into it, speak with your DH, and see if this feeling leaves or if it gets stronger, then I think you will know our answer.

Hmm I loved choose your own adventure too...they were the best!
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Joined: 11 Jun 2010
Posts: 192
Location: Snellville, GA

PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2011 10:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think CYOA books were probably my very favorite book in childhood :)

maybe I should write one with our story and give one to DH, ha ha ;P
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Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Posts: 968

PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2011 7:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This post is SO me...I am 39 and 3 months old (who's counting..laugh)..and feel like its either now or never. But for me, If finally DH and I could find a way to afford an adoption I could much easily leave the bio route closed and be seriously ok with it. For me what I want is another child..it doesn't have to get here through me though. In my case I know its different then most of you, as my reasons for bio vs adopt. is complex. I of coarse have bio and adopt routes as me being raised with both and then there is my health issues...pregnancy is easy, postpartum is a nightmare, though I have been told I CAN ttc another child..but it is going to be an unhill battle and that doesn't even include MY age. LOL It IS very confusing to me as well. I know what I WOULD do in a perfect world....ttc, ttc, adopt, adopt, ttc maybe at the end as well...have a very mixed family and lots of kids. My TRUE desire...but with health as it is and accepting that....I have had to make concessions on what is BEST for me but accepting my health as it is, is one thing...accepting I can't do what I WISH I could do is another. And unfortunately this has left me in a state of never ending insanity. I don't know what to do about it all..but I do know this....

1. Time is running out for me and I AM the age I am....irregardless of whether I decide, it WILL be decided for me at some point

2. I DO have the health I have, while I stay active and take care of my health....I DO accept the fact I DO have limitations

3. Kids ARE important to me, and while I wish I could do this AND that...it's all in God's hands

4. IF I had no GOOD reason NOT to ttc, I would do it even if I wasn't 100% sure.....as long as I was 50/50 on the subject I'd figure I'd rather tttc then regret it later...cause once the baby was born, I WOULD BE 100%

5. IF I could find a way to adopt, I would do it...cause I am almost 100% sure...that part of me that doubts has only to do with my age/health

6. Life is not forever, its today that makes our tomorrows the best they can be...if I don't have more kids...that WILL affect my tomorrow

7. I don't have all the answers, but I do know what I know....so at least part of me is not confused

I get up everyday and I TRY to think about what I SHOULD do next...I am not frozen in fear, I feel like I am frozen in time, while the rest of the world moves forward I am stuck in mud and getting nowhere....but I realize that with all things God is in control....I am to the point that no matter what I want/think I want...God knows what is best for ME...I can continue to TRY to find a solution to FINALLY get somewhere or be patient for the answer he has for my life....so I finally have realized while I do not know what Gods will for me entirely I do know part of his plan...so I go with that while I try hard to hear his ENTIRE will for my life. Everyone of us has different paths so know what God has planned for me is different then he has planned for the rest of you. You just need to sit down and decide what you do know and begin to focus on that and then I feel like the answer WILL be more clear for you. Feelings only tell us one part of things....their not reliable...what is reliable is what you WANT/NEED/KNOW about yourself...Good Luck!
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Joined: 17 Nov 2008
Posts: 36

PostPosted: Sat Oct 22, 2011 1:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, if you are feeling this way with your youngest 8 months I think your heart is telling you something. My youngest turns 2 next week and while I am sad to see the baby stage go I am also more than ready to move on. I would honestly be not happy to be pregnant again. Good luck!
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Joined: 23 May 2010
Posts: 228

PostPosted: Sat Oct 22, 2011 9:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I suggest you put the topic on hold for the next 6-9 months.
Tell yourself that you are not going to make a decision until after that time.
Let your baby grow a little older. Become more independant.
You know that you don't want a baby now. At 36, you can't really wait 5 years, but 6-9 months isn't really going to affect your fertility all that much.

See if the feelings grow or diminish over the next few months.
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Joined: 15 Jul 2007
Posts: 497
Location: Los Angeles

PostPosted: Mon Oct 24, 2011 4:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I keep putting the decision off for another 6 months every 6 months, LOL! But like 2blue1pink said, I know I don't want a baby now, and I do need to give myself a chance to see if I want one later.

My youngest DD is 2 1/2 now, and we really are moving into a new stage. It's pretty great, in a new and different way. I'm loving it, really. But I also find myself longing for a baby again. I think this current 6 month waiting period will need to be the last, because we will be fully out of baby/toddler stage by then.

Give yourself a little more time and see how you feel. Good luck!
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