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Panic at being pregnant- positive stories please!

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Joined: 22 Aug 2011
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 11:45 am    Post subject: Panic at being pregnant- positive stories please! Reply with quote

Hello, as some of you may remember I had a huge panic about becoming pregnant with number 3 despite the fact that I had thought about nothing else for 2 years and that the baby was very much planned.

So bad was my panic that I even considered abortion which, as I am Catholic, was a huge source of angst and guilt for me.

Anyhow, after 14 weeks of indecision with lots of counselling and all paths pointing to just how sensible abortion would be, I finally went with my heart and decided to keep the baby.

I am now 18 weeks pregnant and could do with some feel good stories from other women- especially those who were very uncertain in pregnancy. How did you move on to acceptance and finally to happiness about your impending little one? Did you still bond in the same way as with your other two children? Any happy, 'life is great' stories much appreciated.

For the record, I am in my forties and my other 2 children are 4 and 6.

(By the way, I realise how lucky I am to be pregnant- I know that lots of women struggle with fertility- and I also know that for me abortion would be a poor choice. Please, please, however, don't post anything harsh as at the moment I really need some support. I've posted once before on this board and the women were very keen to help and to support me.)
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Joined: 24 Jun 2011
Posts: 234

PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 12:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Welcome back and sending a big hug...so very happy to hear that you decided to keep this bundle!!! I've been thinking of you. I have no advice as I've just jumped on the wagon, but I will be reading. All I can say, is I've been looking around and watching families like a hawk all last month when I thought we might have had an "ooops" (and I was completely and totally terrified up until about 2 days before I found out I wasn't expecting) and in watching those families, especially as the kids got a bit older, I couldn't help but think that the families of 3 or more, at any ages, seemed like a party in and of themselves! It just looked like a lot more fun (and yes more work, but heck, if you go by work level, none of us would even have a second one!) There just seemed to be a different level of energy in the family unit. Maybe it's the fact that almost everyone in our neighborhood has 3+ and most of them were somewhat "older" when they had their third or fourth or fifth and are very happy and adjusted that gives me hope! You can do it! =0)
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Joined: 03 Aug 2009
Posts: 499

PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 2:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jacky, congrats...I am so happy you decided to keep your baby!! It can be scary to have another child, but honestly, it's just one more. You've already had two, so by the time #3 comes you know what to expect. I'm just filling out the forms to register my youngest in kindergarten, and I truly believe the hardest part is behind us. My three are such great friends, and life is really pretty easy. The relationship between three is so special, and its neat because there are so many different combinations of interactions to watch. I never get tired of it. Sometimes I'll just sit back and watch the three of them, and I can't believe how blessed I am. Now that you've made your decision, just don't look back. You can do it. <<HUGS>>
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Joined: 16 Aug 2011
Posts: 60
Location: Alberta

PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 5:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Welcome back and congrats! I have just embarked on the #3 journey I am now 5 weeks. I was really inspired by my next door neighbor as she has 4 kids ages 14 to 3 so lots of big age gaps. They are also religious and watching their family together has been a joy! The kids all have fun together playing, their mother loves them so much and really enjoys taking to various activities, she is a SAHM like me.

I asked her once what it was like with so many and her reply was ' like a great big hug every day, always having someone to hug when it was needed'

She said after 2 one more was a piece of cake (her third was an oopps) everybody learns that they cannot have everything they want when they want. Which in light of today's economy is a very important lesson.

Enjoy the ride, life is to short as it is.
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Mama Erin

Joined: 09 Jan 2010
Posts: 89

PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 5:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I rarely check in any more but I was so pleased to see your post. I think most of us can relate to being a little panicky (maybe not quite to your level) about adding a third but it really all does work out in the end. My third is an absolute dream (albeit a dream that wakes me up at 4:30 a.m. for a bottle and a snuggle). But we all know how fast the time goes and I know he's only going to need me like that for short period of time. I really do cherish the time with him- more than I did with my older two. It's special knowing that your baby is your last. For me, it makes everything seem so manageable to know that I'm never going to do it again! And the best part is seeing the big kids with their little brother- they're such dolls with him (your kids are great ages to be older siblings). Congrats on your decision and a healthy 4-5 months to you!
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Joined: 01 Apr 2010
Posts: 319
Location: WY

PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 9:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My boys are 6 & 8 and my little girl is almost 3 months old. I was very conflicted going in... and very uncertain I'd made the right decision for most of my pregnancy. I'm new at the havingthreekids thing, but here's what I do know:

As soon as I got that positive, the worries REALLY set in....but it was too late. I'd made this bed, and I was going to have to lie in it.

I laid in that bed A LOT, as it turned out, because morning sickness took over from week 7-15, and I've never been sick like that in my life!!! I lost 15lbs, and felt like the worst mom ever to my 2 boys. I couldn't help but wonder what kind of mistake we'd made if it was ALREADY this tough and the baby was no bigger than an apple!?!

I recall an early appt. when doc couldn't find the heartbeat... and in my head I thought, "good...maybe there isn't one and this will all go away". My dh was horrified when I shared this with him... but he will never understand how awful I felt physically and emotionally then. Everyone in the world is excited for you, and you're just thinking, "what have I done?"

I decorated the nursery in a numb trance... just didn't feel all that exciting- more like a chore- and it didn't seem real. My belly was getting bigger, but I still felt pretty detached. Finding out it was a SHE was another obstacle for me... I'd never had a girl and really imagined another boy. I tried and tried to "enjoy" this last pg the way I'd envisioned it..but it never really was all that enjoyable.

When she stopped moving inside at 3 am at 39wks... I rushed to the hospital, so relieved to hear that heartbeat on the monitor! This is when I first realized that I had ALREADY bonded w her (:

I spent the days at the hospital pouring my whole self into her. I just wanted to soak up this last soft, warm, sweet-smelling baby I'd ever bring home. I loved her just as much as I had the boys. I still spend everyday soaking her up- I just can't get enough, and I know how fast they grow!

When a lab result came back concerning, I felt the fear and protective maternal instincts kicking in. When they took her away to lay on the billi light table in the nursery, I was sooo lonely. Felt like part of me was missing. I sat all day at her side. When doc though she heard a heart murmur, I left the appt. sick to my stomach. I really do feel the same love & concern for her as I did for the boys.

This baby has blessed us in so many ways. My boys love her more than I could've imagined. She has daddy wrapped around her finger. A mother's love really doesn't get thinner with each child, somehow it just grows & grows!

Time, however, DOES get thinner... but that can be worked around! I have decided that moms of 3+ are queens of multitasking... and it's a skill u pick up out of necessity (: U do what u have to...and life goes on.

Life seems surreal right now. Things are hectic, sleepless nights are loooong, and everyday I keep thinking I am overdue for a mental breakdown... that this exhaustion and the reality of it all must just be waiting to crash down on me all at once... but everyday goes by with nothing but smiles to & from that sweet baby girl...and it might just be what's keeping me going? The obstacles line up, and I just keep jumping wearily over them- but I know things are working out just fine. My boys aren't jealous, and we just work her in to our routines...

I enjoy this baby more than I did the boys. I am able to slow down, marvel at her every smile, enjoy every bath I give her, etc... and just let the crazy world pass us by if it wants to. It's been easier bringing home #3 than it EVER was bringing home the boys!

So, I hope this gives you some relief. You won't know until you get there yourself, but I have a feeling it will all work out beautifully for u, just as it did for us. Keep in touch!
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Mama Erin

Joined: 09 Jan 2010
Posts: 89

PostPosted: Wed Jan 25, 2012 3:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

^^^^ Well said. I'm all teary eyed over here ;) I remember how much you struggled with the decision to go for #3- so glad to "hear" you're in such a good place (however delirious from lack of sleep you may be)
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Joined: 19 Apr 2010
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 25, 2012 12:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jacky, I am glad you decided to keep the baby, already 18 weeks...time flies!
Jacky, i had a different situation. My third child - she is now almost 6 monbths old- is the only "planned" baby :roll: . The pregnancy with the first child was not planned, we just moved in together with my "husband-to be" in a small rented 1-bedroom appartment. The second pregnancy was not really planned also - we wanted the 2nd child, but not at that moment. Anyway, somehow I accepted both pregnanies early enough..For me, the fact that I am pregnant from the man I love and who loves me and supports me, is enough to stop worrying. I try not to think too much about "oh we spend so little time together as partners" etc, try not to feel sorry for myself. Life just rolls on. I am not religious, but I soemhow believe taht everything what happens happens for the reason, it was meant to be. My children were all 3 meant to be. Otherwise I would not have become pregnant.
Right now life with 3 (oldest two are 8 and 5 y.o.)is difficult, we indeed do not have time for the two of us with my husband, by we accept it for the time being. The baby brought a lot of joy. We feel we are "young parents" again...We have no regrets, life just goes on. I just accept things and try to solve the problems when they begin, not before.
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Joined: 26 Sep 2011
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2012 1:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Jacky
I havent been on this forum for ages and It was only that I am up late with severe heartburn and nothing to do that I thought i'd jump on and check how everyone is going. I am so very glad you made your decision and I know long term you wont regret it.

Not sure if you remember me but I felt like I was in a similar situation to you. I am a younger mum, however I was struggling with a decision at the beginning of my pregnancy whether to keep our BUB. You see although baby was planned, I kind of did a complete 180 after the pregnancy test and wasnt sure that I wanted 3 kids after all. - feels silly looking back on it really and I wonder if it was just pregnancy hormones that made me think these thoughts and emotions.

Well I knew I couldnt have an abortion and I had been secretly hoping in the first few weeks the pregnancy may not be viable. But this bub really wanted to be part of our family and stuck nice and strong.

I'm now 23 weeks pregnant and it definately feels real. It took me a long time to bond with this baby, but it wasnt until my 18 week scan when we saw the first few pics that I really felt any kind of bond. We found out the gender and it looks like we are having a baby girl. This helped me to feel a connection because we can now call baby a she, and my daughter is so excited to be having a sister. This is one reason I am very relieved we kept the baby because my daughter would have missed out on this. I have a 14 month old son as well and he is going to have a play mate close in age. I'm already huge and struggling to get through the day. I am beginning to wonder how I will survive the next 17 weeks?

I have already begun to think like a mum of three. some of these ideas are:
1. I'm already becoming a pro at multi tasking.
2. I'm accepting that the house does not have be spotless
3. Already figuring out ways to make the day go faster.
4. Started a weekly planner and am not afraid to ask for help.
5. designate jobs for husband to do when he's home.

Best of luck with the next few months Jacky and I'll be following your updates.
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Joined: 22 Aug 2011
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 9:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks so much to everyone who has taken the trouble to reply. I do indeed remember some of your struggles on this board. Now that we've finally told people it's all beginning to feel more real. The boys are excited about having a brother and everyone seems very happy for us. Best of luck to all on your journey.
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Joined: 11 Jun 2010
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Location: Snellville, GA

PostPosted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 12:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't know what it is about the 3rd...maybe b/c we've been through it all before, or we know this will probably be the last, but even in the harder parts, I am enjoying this one so much more. My DH and I both talk about how cute he is and how we just love him so much (not that we don't love the others, lol)...it just feels more like this time around we can appreciate all the wonderful things rather than just grit our teeth through the baby stage in hopes of getting a good night's sleep! I think you will fall in love the moment you set eyes on him/her. Your mother instincts will kick in even if you have lingering doubts up to the birth.
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Joined: 22 Feb 2008
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 09, 2012 4:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jacky: I'm not sure how I missed your original post here, but I am so glad to see you back and overjoyed that you have decided to move forward with your pregnancy. I truly believe you will not regret it. I know I never have. Even though it's more work, it's so very rewarding. What I love most about our youngest is all of the extra laughs and giggles we have with him. That and the way my older two children just totally adore him, just like my husband and I adore all three of them. Enjoy your pregnancy and don't worry...it'll all fall in place once he's here :-)
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