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At what point should I stop pushing him?

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Joined: 09 Aug 2010
Posts: 12
Location: Montreal, Canada

PostPosted: Tue Jun 05, 2012 4:19 pm    Post subject: At what point should I stop pushing him? Reply with quote

Hi everyone, I hope you're well and that you're family is growing happy and healthy.
I haven't been here in a while and I thought I'd give some news and ask for your opinion.
To make a long story short, we have 2 beautiful daughters who are 15 months apart. They're now 4,5 and 3 yrs old. Everything is going well in general. I've been wanting to have a third since DD2 was 1 year old. My husband is still not convinced.

While I try very hard to understand his main concerns (freedom, space, vacations), I don't know how I'm gonna get past this if his final answer is no. I feel like my family isn't complete, I can't tell myself that I'll never be pregnant again etc..
He now feels like we have to come to a decision, I couldn't agree more but I'm so scared...
He's been thinking a lot about it lately, trying very hard to say yes but at the same time, I don't want him to say yes JUST to make me happy.. it's complicated. What if I push too hard and my husband ends up unhappy, what if we have a sick child?? etc etc..

On my side, the desire is still there and I'm sure that it'd be hard to regret if we went for it..I feel like there's only this little sparkle missing for him to just say yes..like that little ''push'' you need to jump off a diving board. He's told me we'd keep it if we had an oops but he also says that if it weren't for me, he'd be 100% happy as it is...

I'm afraid I'll be mad or hold a grudge if he says no. I'm also wondering why his 'no' would be more important than my 'yes' given the fact that I'm always home (I work from home) and that I take care of most things involved with the kids.
I also think that it might be harder for a year or so but it would be so worth it.. can it be harder than when I had a 15 month old and a newborn?

He knows all of my desire and I've explained him all thesee things many many times.. I know he's thinking about it with all his heart but also think he's a little too down to earth about it, he'd like to control every little detail. I wish he'd let go a little and I'm sure he wouldnt regret it *sigh*....
The good news is that we're now able to talk about it calmly, There was a time where it always ended up in a fight and/or with me crying.

So my question is, at what point should I stop pushing him? but at the same time, how do I deal with my own desire?
I guess that I just have to wait and keep hoping now..it's hard..
Thanks for reading me
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Joined: 01 Apr 2010
Posts: 319
Location: WY

PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 1:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

To me, he sounds a bit like my DH was for MANY years before he agreed to have #3.

I wouldn't give up yet if I were you...he still may be a yes. That being said, you have to be careful that the "push" he might need doesn't feel like a shove...He will most likely be more "NO" so long as he feels pressured.

Your girls are still young, and unless you are up against a quick-ticking biological clock, could you give it some time? Let your dh warm up to the idea at a pace he feels he can handle? He knows what you want...and my guess is that he's mulling it over. I think it's a good sign that he's considered it!

I know my dh was an absolute NO for many years because the boys were plenty to keep up with! Once they started gaining more independence, he started to entertain the idea of another... Until he finally agreed to it. But it took many years- the baby and my middle child have SIX years between them. Looking back now, I wouldn't have it any other way. Life paces itself the way it's supposed to!

I also didn't want to feel like he agreed just because I wanted another...but it turned out just right in the end, because when he finally became ok with the idea, it was also HIS idea- not just mine.

Yes, there were risks of the disrupted family, the fatigue and "unhappiness", the sick child....the regrets... but, once we were both on the same page- we assumed the "risks" together, so there would be no one to "blame" if the decision wasn't the best...

I really think it sounds like he's just working through his own doubts & may be ok with another in the end. My dh also said if it wasn't for me, he'd be happy stopping at 2...but ask him now that he has his sweet little girl! He'd never send her back (:

Good luck!
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