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MY BLOG on having 3 kids - the honest truth
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BABYPINK3



Joined: 26 Sep 2011
Posts: 29

PostPosted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 11:00 am    Post subject: MY BLOG on having 3 kids - the honest truth Reply with quote

I wanted to start a litle Blog to share how the first few weeks/months have been with bub number 3. hopefully by sharing my experiences this will make other's decision easier.

9/06/12

Our baby girl is now 3 weeks. The first two weeks were okay. I recovered from the birth, my mum came to stay , my husband had some time off work. baby slept, fed, poohed, slept! My other 2 children are good sleepers and slept through the night every night despite bub waking every 2 hours for a feed. I was tired but it was managable. I enjoyed the moments my children cuddled our new bub and I have this great feeling of completeness. despite being so tired it seems worth it!

week number 3 has been an absolute nightmare.-
My 18 mth old son has been sick! really sick. he has the flu, and coughs so bad at night he vomits. we have spent the last 4 night getting up to him screaming/ crying vomiting... only to get him back to sleep and be woken by my newborn for a feed. last night my husband took my son to the hospital and spent half the night waiting to be seen only to be told he has a virus and he's still too young for any medication. thankfully my daughter (age 4) slept straight through. last night I was at my wits end. I am so incredibley tired and cannot get any opportunity to catch up on sleep. we have no family to help so are relying on friends to help and we are sick of being a burden on them. My husband and I had a huge fight last night. we even talked about divorce! ( I know!crazy) but this is what sleep deprivation does to you. you stop thinking straight and become irrational. we agreed we needed to find a way to get sleep. so we enquired about getting a maternity nanny ( a qualified nurse who can feed baby druing the night while you sleep! great idea but the cost is $250 a night!!!! appears that only rock stars can afford this! but it may be our only other option if we dont get any sleep. even 1 night would be bliss!!! and a real treat!
its the weekend so today we tried the theory sleep when baby sleeps. so every opportunity today I slept while bub was asleep and my husband looked after the other 2 kids. I managed to catch up on a few hours of sleep and what a difference a few hours has made to my sanity!. My husband has gone to bed early tonight and I am staying up to do the first feeds of the night and am writing this whilst drinking a huge well deserved glass of wine.
signing off for this week... will update again next week- hopefully with more cheerful news!
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StrwbrryMmmy



Joined: 20 Jan 2012
Posts: 87
Location: British Columbia

PostPosted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 7:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Enjoy that glass of wine, momma! Mmm..Shiraz in November for me.
Hopefully your LO will give you four hour stretches in the night right away! Sleep deprivation is terrible. Wishing that your DS is better soon, it's so sad when they're ill like that :( Looking forward to your updates on life with 3!
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wyowyome



Joined: 01 Apr 2010
Posts: 319
Location: WY

PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 5:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry to hear of your horrible week! Things will get better again....Parenting is the most challenging job in the world...just remember that it's also the most rewarding!

I know you feel like a burden on your friends...but before you dole out the cash to have a "nurse" you don't know take care of baby for a night...do ask friends you trust if they wouldn't mind taking her for a night or 2 so you all can get caught up!

I am 7 months out with a baby girl who's still up 2 or 3 times a night, and I would not hesitate to help out with a newborn who's parents need a break! I would love to, because I already miss the newborn stage (: I'm sure your friends find you less of a burden than you think they do!

Here's another idea...it's pricey, but not as bad as $250/night... A coworker of mine and his wife take turns checking into a motel BY THEMSELVES when things get too rough. The person going to the motel doesn't tell the other WHICH motel, and is only reachable by cell phone for emergencies. The other parent stays with all 3 kids for the night (ugh!) and gets his/her turn next. The person who stays at the motel orders room-service and gets to totally RELAX, go to bed when they want, watch a movie, read, sleep in, etc. for that entire night! Sounds like heaven, no?

Even if you breastfeed, this could work- just leave dad some pumped milk and bring your pump to use when needed.

You really do have to get some rest, however you go about it! You already know how just a little rest goes a loooonng way! Good luck to you & take care of yourself!
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BABYPINK3



Joined: 26 Sep 2011
Posts: 29

PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2012 12:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks ladies for your replies.

well onto week 4.
A much more postive one - Mostly.
my 18mth old recovered from his cold and started sleeping through the night again so only had to get up to a newborn this week. And she began sleeping for longer stretches.
My husband and I came up with a routine so that we can get at least 5 hours sleep every night.
I go to bed at 8:30. my husband stays up to 10:30 and dreamfeeds bub expressed breast milk. she then sleeps throught to 2:30am I get up and feed her, she sleeps through to 5:30am. husband feeds her before he leaves for work i sleep till 6:30 till kids get up. in fact we are each getting about 7 hours sleep a night which has made a big difference to my sanity.

Plus I feel more energetic to play with my other 2 children. highlights was My daughter had her Ballet concert and she looked gorgeous. I also got out of the house for the first time alone with all 3 kids and it wasnt a disaster. it was in fact alot of fun! my 2 eldest kids are playing really nicely together now. and now that my son is better he loves giving our bub lots of kisses and hugs. its so cute!

so a great week in general. however today was a disaster. - had a catch up with friends and left their place too late. decided to get takeway on the way home. ordered and went to pick up to find we left our wallets at home. drove back to friends house, borrowed money, had an arguement with my husband, because he never packs anything always expects me to pack everything and cant even remember his wallet - I feel like he is my 4th kid!!! makes me so mad!
anyway, so we are late home so I try to make up for time by multitasking feeding my newborn, and bath the other 2 kids which results in my 18mth boy slipping in the bath and splitting his eybrow. so a trip up to the hospital to have it glued. Left my newborn at home with my husband... 3 hours later I arrive home to my newborn who is crying and very unsettled instead of asleep and my 4.5 yr old daughter crying because she has bumped her teeth and they are sore???
So then another arguement with my husband.
God I hope things only get easier? I dont know how much more our relationship can take??? Its definately something I hadnt considered when we decided to have 3 kids. what it would do to our relationship.
On a good note.. tomorrow is a new week... will update again next week!
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nata



Joined: 19 Apr 2010
Posts: 297

PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 11:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

it does get easier, though our 10-month old is still waking up 3-4 times per night (but I am used to it, don't expect it to get better in the coming 5-6 months based on experienced with the other two:)) We also had a couple of nights, when the oldest two children were sick and kept waking each other and the baby etc, but somehow I just accept it...I think because my DS1 is already 8 y.o., i am sure that it will all pass, and very quickly..Furhter we both - me and DH - are finding our third so funny, and cute , we never had a daughter before.its such a new world to us! We ar eboth very tired this year, but have a good feeling about adding the third..and, its a cliche, but time flies! I can't imagine next month our baby-girl turns 1..
but once again, my DS1 adn DS2 are older, so i think it is physically a bit easier for me than for you at this moment. DH is a 4th child, thats true:))
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Koagirl74



Joined: 26 Aug 2008
Posts: 31
Location: MA

PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 10:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

All I can say is....I can TOTALLY relate! My Lo is 6 weeks old and just started sleeping 5 hours at night which is great, but then he's up fussing for the next 2-3 hours. My other kids are older so in that regards it's easier, but sleep deprivation SUCKS!!! When my husband conks out on the couch or yawns because he's SO tired I want to punch him in the face! Really..he's tired....I've been doing all the night feedings!!! I keep reminding myself this won't last forever...even though it feels like it!
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shouldwego4it



Joined: 07 Nov 2008
Posts: 37

PostPosted: Wed Jun 20, 2012 1:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So glad I wasn't the only one that thought adding a third was such a challenge. In so many ways it isn't so hard, but then you just have those days/weeks that feel like nothing is going right. The hardest part for us was the how the additional stress has impacted our relationship. There's just always someone to worry about with some kind of problem, be it problems at school with friends, having one diagnosed with failure to thrive, or chronic abdominal pain.....just feels like we are always having to worry about someone. With all of the worry about the other two, I feel guilty that we don't give as much time to our oldest, since she is so self sufficient (but only 7 yrs old).

On a positive note, our youngest is now 2 1/2 and we just started potty training Friday. So far, only one accident. She just wants to hang with her older sister and brother, and it seems like she is growing up faster than the other two did. Funny how that makes me sad, and appreciate her cute little voice & silliness.
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mommy2-2



Joined: 24 Jun 2011
Posts: 234

PostPosted: Wed Jun 20, 2012 2:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hope you all are getting in a good groove with your 3!
This is our last month or 2 on the fence before we close shop for good with 2 and reading these latest challenges from many of you have me even more unsure if we should even go for it or just close shop now.
At the same time, reading about the challenges will make it a bit easier to swallow if God thinks we should stick with our 2 and does not bless us with another little one soon.

Thanks for the honesty!
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Pepper100



Joined: 12 Jan 2009
Posts: 142
Location: Hull, England

PostPosted: Wed Jun 20, 2012 8:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

DS2 is 9 weeks old. He is an easy baby most of the time like my older 2. He sleeps most of the day or is awake but content and sleeps from 11.00 pm - midnight through to 6.00 am most nights although still wakes earlier occasionally. He has his bottle and then goes back to sleep which is great for getting the other 2 up, fed and out to nursery/school.

The one thing I have found really bad about adding the third is the mountain of laundry. Up until this last week, DS1 has still been having toileting accidents and going through about 3/4 pairs of pants/trousers per day and DS2 is sick after his bottle sometimes so has to be changed a few times too. I hate ironing and have to say that I do tend to put it off until it is soooo huge that it takes ages.

I don't seem to be in a proper routine yet which is unusual for me because I am such a planner but with the new addition and the fact that we only moved into our new house a few months ago, I feel a bit disorganised. I'm sure this will get better soon though.

This week however has been a killer. It was my nephews christening on sunday so we were out the full day/night. Monday was DS2's injections, playdate for DS1 and a night out with my brother in law's family (our first night out since DS2 was born). Tuesday was an appointment at the hospital for DS1 and then drove all the kids to watch my parents go on a hot air balloon an hours drive away and then it didn't actually go up due to weather. Today DS1 has been in hospital for an operation. He is having tubes in his ears again and his adenoids out. He is staying in overnight (DH is with him) and so I will be back there tomorrow. Friday I have 2 of DD's friends after school and then I am out again for a girly night out. Saturday have some of DH's friends coming around and Sunday my mums for tea.

Why does everything happen on the same week. Next week the kids are at a party one night after school and that is all I have planned. Just don't feel like I have enjoyed anything this week and I am sooooo tired.

That said, I still think that I am not done and one more might be nice but that is a thread for another day. xxx
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nata



Joined: 19 Apr 2010
Posts: 297

PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 8:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pepper,wow, so you still feel not done? I was thinking about the 4th altely..not about the 4th, but more like about that time flies..DD is already 10 months old..she is not this tiny baby anymore..
I find it now a bit challenging phase - crawling, starting to walk, reaching everything..DD makes such a chaos of our living room ....:)
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walkbyfaith



Joined: 03 Aug 2009
Posts: 499

PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 12:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pepper, I hear ya on the "maybe one more" thing. I would really love one more, but my dh won't budge on that. I am very content with my 3, though. To all of you with little itty bitty babies, I can say that a few years from now things get SO much easier! Mine are now 9.5, almost 8, and 5, and I love the dynamic between the three of them. They're getting so independent, not even just around the house, but even when we're out in public. For example, in a restaurant, I can send them to the bathroom together and not feel like I always have to go along (if it's not super crowded). When we go to activities, like gymnastics, they can take care of putting their own shoes and clothes in their bag in the cubbie without me having to do it. It's just nice.

As for the laundry, yes, that is at times a MOUNTAIN, but I have really gotten it under control. First, I'm not sure what kind of ironing you're doing, but unless it's good clothes, like a work shirt for the dh, I'd throw that part out the window, at least for now. Haha. I've never ironed anything for my kids, or for me as a stay at home mom. For the kids' laundry, what really helped me was to buy a 4-bin laundry sorter and keep it in my laundry room. Every Monday I carry all the kids' laundry to the laundry room and sort it into the bin. I only use 4 categories...for me, that means lights/whites, darks, denim/black, and socks/undies/towels/pajamas. I use a stain stick to pre-treat as I sort, because with the stick you can let it sit for up to a week before laundering. It does take awhile to do the sorting, but by doing it all at once one time a week it's much more manageable (and as the kids have gotten older there is much less pre-treating!). Then Tues-Friday I try to do one or two loads a day, but since it is all sorted and treated all I have to do is throw it in the washer. I also try to fold it right as it comes out, and when the girls were little, a lot of the clothes would fit in their drawers without folding. So things like onesies or underwear, I just laid flat in a pile in their drawers. Saves SO much time!! Now that they're bigger I fold everything except underwear. I also went through a phase of folding the socks together (by turning the cuffs down) in pairs and laundering them that way. Most of them stayed together through the washer and dryer so that I didn't have to sort socks. But now that the girls put their own clothes in the hamper I can't really do that...I'm just happy if they make it to the hamper. But when I put the clothes in the hamper when they were little it was really a timesaver for me. Just find little tricks with the laundry so you can manage it, and it's really a big help.
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BABYPINK3



Joined: 26 Sep 2011
Posts: 29

PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 4:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

WEEK 5-
Things dont feel much better. :cry: Though I have found that if I try and be organised the days are much easier. I"m finding the nights the toughest though. Finding it very hard to unwind after getting up to feed bub and feeling very anxious about everything. Mostly about bub because I want to give up breastfeeding because I can only express due to bub not latching on and this is taking up so much time. But bub wont take a bottle of formula from me at all. made it hard the other day becasue we were out and she refused to drink and so I had a screaming baby all the way home. Also did anyone find it hard getting the confidence to leave the house with 3. I get these feelings of fear about leaving the house with three. I've only ventured out to the parks so far on my own with 3 and have been mostly house bound or save shopping days for when other 2 are in kindy...Husband wants me to go to counselling. I've always had a bit of anxiety but dealt with it by doing regular exercise relaxation techniques and going out for walks when I need to unwind. but I'm finding the simplist things like this is too hard at them moment. I cant just be spontanious, pick up my gym shoes and go out for a walk. because my daughter wants to take her bike, my son wont sit still in the pram and I have a newborn who wont drink anything but expressed breastmilk and it just seems too much hard work. I also like routine, and I find this helps me manage my anxiety but there is just no routine at the moment. not one that suits everyone. its seems the days we need to do things for my eldest kids, bub is all day in a sling or capsule, and out of her routine and then she is really fussing and unsettled all night, if we follow her routine then the kids are bored of staying at home and not getting much attention....
Someone did say it does get easier when bub turns 12 weeks. maybe because I'll get more sleep, mentally its easier....i'll update again next week.
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mommy2-2



Joined: 24 Jun 2011
Posts: 234

PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2012 10:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Babypink3,
Just another hug coming your way.
Something just hit me when I was talking to a friend yesterday and I thought of you. She was encouraging me to go for#3 and was talking about how every time one of her kids was born (she has 5) she "struggled to survive" mentally and physically for the first 12-15 weeks. Each time swearing she'd never do it again and feeling like she'd ruined their lives (her and her family)! And each time, once past that point, "forgetting" about how tough those first 3 months were and doing it again. She said that by the time #4 came along, it didn't get to her as much because she recognized the pattern from the previous three and she was assured that it was only a short time when she looked back on it and how things continued to improve. Her eldest is 21, youngest is now 5 (she had her at 40+) and she is one very busy, but very happy woman! =0)
You are in the trenches right now and crawling through the proverbial mud, holding everything together on your shoulders from the sounds of it. I remember after my son was born (we had some extra challenges that year) that my only goal had to be to get me, our DD and "the baby" through the day, and if everyone was alive, (somewhat) clean, fed on time (or for me, fed at all!) by the end of each day, it was a success! (Tough to swallow for someone who was SURE she'd never have kids and would be a working professional all her life! LOL) I don't know if I'll ever know the challenges of 3 or if I'll stick with our 2, but just want to encourage you in any way I can!
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walkbyfaith



Joined: 03 Aug 2009
Posts: 499

PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2012 4:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Babypink3, I wonder if you have a touch of post partum depression? I think things will get better. You're in the hardest part right now...sleep deprived and isolated because you can't be as spontaneous as you could before. But you'll get there again! I understand the fear of going out with all 3. I was like that for quite awhile. I made myself do it, but I kept the trips very short so I wouldn't have to maneuver everyone into the bathroom or feed everybody.

If I could offer a suggestion about the bottle feeding...all three of my daughters were adopted internationally, so obviously, there was no choice but to bottle feed them. They were all on formula that was much sweeter tasting than what we have in the US, so to transition them, I started out by mixing the bottle so that 3/4 was their formula, and 1/4 was American formula. After they got used to that, I did 1/2 and 1/2, then finally 3/4 American, 1/4 theirs, until their formula was gone. Then they went 100% to the US formula. Could you try mixing formula with expressed breastmilk so that your baby would get used to the taste? Also, since your baby drinks the breastmilk from a bottle already, this might not be an issue, but I'll mention it just in case. The type of nipple on the bottle can make a huge difference for some kids...some just have certain preferences. So you could also try some different nipples and see if your daughter responds differently to one over another.

Best wishes to you...feel free to vent here so that we can support you through this rough patch. Huge HUGS!!!!
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BABYPINK3



Joined: 26 Sep 2011
Posts: 29

PostPosted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 9:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Week 6-

Overall a good week. Bub is going through 6 week growth spurt so that was hard in that there were a few nights where she was feeding every 2 hours. But last few nights werent too bad. I actually got 9 hours sleep last night thanks to my husband who got up and fed her and let me sleep in this morning. Made a world of difference how I feel.! Also had alot of energy to spend with the other two kids.
My husband thinks I might have Post Natal depression. I dont think I do, I'm just sleep deprived but have agreed to go to a counsellor next week anyway. My husband has also found out he has to work away for the next few months. so he will be away 2-3 days at a time. Not looking forward to this considering I am under so much pressure at the moment. but I did get the kids into Kindy for an extra day so hopefully this will help.

BUt am feeling alot more positive this week which is good. thanks everyone for your support xo
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