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Oh no, not again.

 
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Pepper100



Joined: 12 Jan 2009
Posts: 142
Location: Hull, England

PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 10:17 am    Post subject: Oh no, not again. Reply with quote

DS2 is 10 weeks old and he is amazing. He is so chilled out and is generally no bother at all. DD (8) and DS (4) love him to bits and I haven't had one bit of jealousy from either of them yet. I feel like I made the right choice adding to my family. I convinced DH that 3 would be great (which he now agrees with me about) but one of his problems about adding one was that he wasn't sure if I would still feel complete or if I would just keep wanting another. I told him that I was sure 3 would make me feel done.

But..........I don't think I'm done. Have jokingly mentioned it to DH and he has said definitely no chance. When I have said "well, you said that the last time", he says that he means it this time. I don't think I will manage to convince him again, we have bought a new 4 bed house so that all 3 will be able to have their own room, 4 would fit into my 7 seater car but not DH's car so it is madness to have another. We probably could afford it financially but obviously it would take away from the others.

I think one of the main things for me is that when I was thinking that I would like 3, I kind of assumed that I would have another girl. Don't get me wrong, I love both my boys but I guess it is because I wanted to give DD a sister as I have one and also with DD being 8, she is growing up so fast and I now don't have a baby girl. I already had a baby boy as although DS1 is 4, he has had some developmental delays and is still young in some ways. It is good that DS1 has someone to play with though as DD is into school friends now and is really close to SIL's DD. I wouldn't swap DS2 for the world and my family is now what it is but as I was putting away the tiny baby girls clothes, I had a pang for another. I think if I could guarantee a girl then I would go for it but obviously, I can't.

Am I just crazy!!!! Feel so terrible as it sounds as if I aren't happy with DS2 which couldn't be further from the truth. I think 2 of each would be amazing. DH wants to go for the big V early next year and I find myself panicking. I'm not ready to give up the dream of another but on the other hand, it may be better to shut the door completely. I am feeling a bit like once I have finished having my babies, I will be without a purpose. I know that sounds ridiculous. Maybe I am having a midlife crisis.

This also makes it sound as if I have made up my mind but just need to convince DH, but I aren't sure if I even want another.

Sorry if that has all come out in a ramble. I just wished I had had the feeling of completeness and wonder if I would have had that if I had had a girl. Maybe DS2 came because I was meant to have 4 and god knew that I would stick with 3 if a girl came first.
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BABYPINK3



Joined: 26 Sep 2011
Posts: 29

PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 10:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Pepper!

I understand where you are coming from. Because one of the main reasons I wanted a third was because I wanted my DD to have a sister. I love my DS but I miss that I never had a sister and I wanted my daughter to experience it.
I knew nothing was 100%, but I wanted to at least give it a try, but was also okay if bub was a boy. I knew you can do things to sway the odds.
I did ALOT of research and changed my diet, timing of intercourse and i concieved my GIRL. so it is possible.
But dont rush into it. your DS2 is only 10 weeks old and your hormones are still setlling down.
I believe you do know when you are truely done. I can honestly say I am done. good luck in making your choice
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walkbyfaith



Joined: 03 Aug 2009
Posts: 499

PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 12:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I totally understand everything you're saying. How would you feel if you had another boy...would you still feel incomplete? I always knew I wanted at least two girls, then after that the rest didn't matter. But we built our family through international adoption, so we had some control over the gender. That's another option you could consider. After we had two girls, I loved the dynamic so much that we added another girl. I'm 90% sure if we went for #4 it would be a girl as well.
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2blue1pink



Joined: 23 May 2010
Posts: 228

PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 12:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I know where you are coming from. I never had gender preferences, but I never felt complete after my third was born. I had joked about getting my tubes tied, then I started to panic as my delivery got closer. I did NOT feel done.

No, you're not just crazy. It's not a midlife crisis. Some people just like having kids and want to raise them. I don't think having a large family is for everyone, but it's a good fit for some people.

I can tell you from personal experience that my husband was hesitant to have a third and I had to talk him into that. He absolutely refused to ttc a fourth. It did take me a long time to talk him into it (a year and a half of arguing and very deep conversations), but he eventually came around. We have been struggling with infertility and multiple failed fertility treatments for 2 years, so we still don't have that fourth child. But, he is obviously now a completely willing participant in having 4 kids. I know that your husband is not mine, but I wouldn't write yours off just yet. Maybe once the baby is a little bit older and he has had a chance to experience the baby and bond with him a bit more, he might come around.

Good luck. It really is very difficult to feel like someone is missing from your family. I hope your husband eventually comes around or you find peace with just 3 kids.
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nata



Joined: 19 Apr 2010
Posts: 297

PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 8:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pepper, I do admire you, as I aleady said, in wanting another one! And though I am definitely "done", I know the feeling. It feels sad for me, like closing the whole part of my life. Just the though that I will never have another baby, is so strange..maeks me feel so OLD.

I must say though, that the first months with Anna were far more relaxed than now..I enjoy her enormously, but, becasue she is crawling - and is starting walking - it is impossible to have any single moment for myself or other children, if she is not sleeping. She is constantly active, brakes everything, want to grab everything and to eat it :) you can not leave her unattended even for a couple of minutes. Our living room is a disaster at the end of the day..what I want to say - may be when your baby gets a bit older and starts moving around the house, you will feel that life is kind of busy enough with 3 kids ? For me also, why I want to stop with 3, is attention the oldest two need. Me and DH both work adn I feel it is difficult at the mometn to divide tha attention between the 3 children. We aslo are just back form our first vacation abroad all together, and though the children enjoyed it, i was only busy with the baby, that she does not get it too hot, too cold, that she does not eat all the sand on the beach, she needs to sleep on time etc...I tried to make the vacation seem as much relaxed for the boys as it can be, but for me..I was tired to death by the time all three were to bed in the evening :))

Having said all that, I did not have the tube ligation, and DH is reluctant to schedule the big V (he does not want the 4th 100%, but he does not like the idea of big V....Hm..). So we are protecting, but it is all not permanent.

And also, I might have considered having the 4th I was 32-34 even 35 y.o. Being 37 I feel it is too late for me. I am afraid of getting the child with medical problems, I find it a blessing to have 3 healthykids at my age..
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Koagirl74



Joined: 26 Aug 2008
Posts: 31
Location: MA

PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 4:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Pepper100,
I just got goosebumps reading your post because I can relate to what you are saying. My DD is 8 and I was secretly hoping for a girl for her to have a sister. I, too, feel it has been sooo long since I had a baby girl. Also the relationship between a mother and daughter is different than with a son. Not better...just different. I save everything from my kids and document special moments in their lives. I always wonder will the boys appreciate this when they get older as much as I know my daughter will.

I do get the twinges to have another and joke with DH, but I don't think I could actually try for a 4th. Heck, I didn't try for the 3rd! LOL! I love the idea of having 2 girls and 2 boys...but there's no guarantee. I do love my lil'man who is 7 weeks and an absolute joy! I'm so happy that my DS (5) gets to have a brother. I remind myself how blessed I truly am to have 3 healthy children regardless of their sex.

So....I don't think you're crazy!! :)
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