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Do you need "adept parenting skills" to have a thi

 
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lgp



Joined: 16 Mar 2012
Posts: 12

PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2012 5:20 am    Post subject: Do you need "adept parenting skills" to have a thi Reply with quote

I'm not sure how to title the subject of my posting...

It may be only appearances, but I see some moms seem to be more able than others to cope with parenting frustrations, patience, discipline, etc. Maybe their mealtime are more organized and peaceful. Maybe getting out the door is more expedient? Of course, I don't know, but I think for some women parenting may be more natural to them?

On the other hand, I see moms who don't seem to possess the patience for one;-)

Maybe regardless of what we "want", maybe there is only so many we can handle (logistically, emotionally, etc.)? Do parenting skills diminish with the number of children you have? For instance, the third time around, were you consistent with table manners? or maybe you are just wiser? Do you feel that you sometimes lose control?

Just curious- those of you who have three/ went for three, did you feel that you totally (or mostly totally;-) had two handled? That for sure, you could effectively manage three? Or did you have doubts?

Sometimes we feel that we barely get through bed time or meal time, for instance. I like to think is short-lived (boys are 4 and 20 mos and it is very full-on right now). We are trying to assess if we have the energy, patience, emotional wherewithal to add another. My heart says to go for it and figure it out.... I also think as they get older, it gets easier (in many ways). <We can't wait longer bc I'm 39>

I want to know if you felt like you totally had it sorted!

Thanks for your candor!
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kkimbrell



Joined: 11 Jun 2010
Posts: 192
Location: Snellville, GA

PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2012 11:26 am    Post subject: Re: Do you need "adept parenting skills" to have a Reply with quote

I've thought this too--the question of how some people do it. I often wonder about those really big families, how the parents cope. Do they just really love kids, or do they just have great kids that don't require a whole lot?


In some ways, I think we are better parents having had more practice now. You also learn which things to let go of and are just not that big a deal that you stressed about w/ your first. Having 3 is a lot less stressful for me than in those early days of just having one, lol. You adjust. You learn. Your body gets used to the routine and the lack of sleep.

Just when I felt I had 2 down, we had 3, and it started all over. but now my first are older and so really it's just the 3rd that is the most work, aside from discipline, now that's hard w/ my oldest.

I do think age has a lot to do w/ the level of difficulty. My first 2 are 16 mo apart, and it was CRAZY until like I said, the youngest was almost 2 and then we had another. Just when it started to feel manageable, we added a 3rd, and we were back to some craziness, but nothing like when the first 2 were little. I do thing a lot has to do w/ ages and their particular neediness.

My feeling about adding more.....you have that really hard period from about 0-2 and then it does begin getting better. It's more a decision of how long you are able/wanting that period to last b/c yes as the older ones get older, it gets easier in a certain way. It's never necessarily been harder b/c of the number for us, it's more like the season is longer, does that make sense?

good luck on your decision!
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nata



Joined: 19 Apr 2010
Posts: 297

PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2012 1:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My first two were 4 and 7 when we started tryign to get pregnant with the 3d..so yes, by this time we were able to get through the meal or bedtime without losing control...So yes, - in my case - age surely makes a difference. I am surely not the born parent..I can lose my patience, so can DH :), I really need time for myself, or at least time without anyone else, to keep my sanity. With 3 children it happens rarely. But I look at lots of things easier with the 3d child, you are not stressed about lots of things because you know it is all very temporary and time flies. The first year was difficult, but still, much less stressful than when my second was born and I had a toddler and a new-born...THis time around was way easier. And the lodest two entertain the baby a lot. Our 3d just turned one this July, and yes, I start feeling I am in control of the situation..sometimes :)
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Mama Erin



Joined: 09 Jan 2010
Posts: 89

PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2012 3:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I do feel like some women are better able to cope with the stresses of parenthood. It seems like most of the women I talk to candidly are not in that category. I am not a born mother yet that is my full-time job right now and, when I'm by myself with the kids, I don't find myself having a lot of fun. I am noise sensitive and have a short fuse (not a great combo for having three kids). That said, my kids seem happy and well adjusted, my husband is home a lot so the times I'm overwhelmed at home by myself are fewer than the times we're all home together. I definitely had the "I can't even handle two" thoughts before I got pregnant with #3 but I just felt like I needed the third. I have no regrets but I don't necessarily think having the third was the most logical choice for me (no family nearby to help + above personality quirks) but sometimes, it's not about logic. My kids are healthy and thriving and, when they're not fighting, happy!
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walkbyfaith



Joined: 03 Aug 2009
Posts: 499

PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2012 9:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I actually think having a third teaches you to be a little more laid back about parenting. You know the kids won't break, and you also know you can't do it all. Plus, you have to divide your attention so the kids learn the universe doesn't revolve around them and life's not always fair. :)
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Mom2A&J



Joined: 30 Sep 2009
Posts: 77
Location: Colorado Springs, CO

PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2012 9:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Walkbyfaith - I couldn't have said it better myself. I absolutely "ditto" what she said!
I am not a "natural mommy" the way some of my friends are, but with #3 I'm more laid back, have realized I can't do it all and don't try to.
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mommy2-2



Joined: 24 Jun 2011
Posts: 234

PostPosted: Mon Aug 20, 2012 11:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My questions exactly these days! Enjoying the responses!
My Dd is 5 and starting kindergarten next week. My lil guy is 2 1/2 and ALL of 2 1/2 (Holy handful!). Meals are survived, bedtime is fine, but a long process. I have to do 99% of the home stuff on my own as Dh is often not around due to work, or just exhaustion...and I wonder, "What am I even thinking!?"
And yes folks...I'm STILL thinking.
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