HavingThreeKids.com

[worrywart]

I would really like a third child and check this site often. Last fall my husband was against it, just thinking he couldn't handle a third. I dropped the subject entirely, but then this spring he said he was ready. The problem is he has made it clear that he really is happy with two and has no desire for a third, and is only agreeing to it because he doesn't want me to have regrets and resent him later. He thinks he will love the baby, of course, and hopefully deal okay with the even greater pressures and even less free time. But I don't know what to do. I don't want him to regret having a third and resent me for it, and if this were to ruin our lovely family of 4, because something was wrong with the baby or something like that (we have 2 boys, ages 2 and 4) then I would feel totally responsible.

Did anyone decide to have a third with a husband who felt like this? What happened? I would love any insights or experience you may have. Thanks!

[kellymom]

absolutely. I went throught the EXACT same thing last week. It was very difficult. First my husband was okay with it, even excited, then the next day he was doubtful and I was very upset. After speaking with him about my reasons why I really wanted a third, he was able to see my side and agree to start trying for a third. I was very upfront with him about both the pros and cons of having a third -- I didn't want to seem like I was not looking at both sides of the situation. I told him that yes, there will be times when we will be overwhelmed and exhausted, but will be ever really regret having that child? No. If you have enough love in your heart for a third child then you will make it work. I cannot imagine someone resenting a mother for having another child. If your husband truely loves you and that third child, then I have a hard time believing that he or any other husband can really have resentment. And, God forbid your child is "special" and needs special care, you find it in your heart to love that child like your others and never have any regrets about having a child. I don't think that a child can actually "ruin" a family, only make it bigger and better and add love to that family.

Having a third really is a major decision that should not be taken lightly. In my case I feel like I am not ready for that part of my life to be over. I have enough love in my heart for many more children, but I also have to be realistic. I think 3 rounds out a family nicely, but then again I come from a family with 3 children. Good luck with your decision, although I think you have already made it.