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Some questions

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 2:50 am    Post subject: Some questions Reply with quote

Hi ladies,

DH and I are still on the fence about #3. i am sincerely confused on what to do :(

We are starting to get our life back now that DS is on one nap and is getting a bit easier. To be honest, I had two pregnancies and two infants, and I really have no desire for either, BUT I dream of having three kids! I want the chaos that comes with three kids. I want the sibling love (rivalry haha), I want a houseful of kids, etc. Yet those first two years are so damn hard and I just don't know if I want to do that again!

I'm also really worried financially. With two, we are nowhere near rich, but I am a SAHM, we can afford a vacation each year, we can eat out, etc. I really am not sure what a third would do for us financially. I know that we would need a new car right off the bat so that would be more expensive obviously. We do have the room in the house (a spare bedroom) and of course we have the room in our hearts.

I do worry about the middle child syndrome and/or 2 versus one and odd man out. Two is company, three is a crowd :( I also worry about having enough one on one time with each child, or patience with each child as well.

I'm so confused!!!! I feel if I wait until my baby is any older, then I won't want to go back to the baby stage, so I feel if I don't get pregnant soon, we won't, and then I'll be crying with regret!!!!
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Joined: 24 Jul 2007
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Location: Pennsylvania

PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 1:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am in the same boat, so to speak, as you are as far as deciding to go ahead and have #3. However, my girls are 5 & 7. I have been really thinking about this since January and have been flip flopping ever since. My mom asked me the other day if I wanted to start all over again now that my girls are older and honestly most days I say "yes!" There are still some days when I think maybe we shouldn't have another baby. We can just pick up and go anywhere, no diaper bags, etc.

Financially we are fine right now, I do work Full-time outside of my home. I know that if we paid a few things off we would be ok with another kid. We plan on adding an addition on to our house, regardless of the size of our family. (Our home is over 100 years old and the rooms back then are smaller then they would be if built today). Anyway, how does your hubby feel about adding on to your family? How old are your 2 kids now?
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Joined: 09 Aug 2007
Posts: 11
Location: Arlington, TX

PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 8:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am a middle child and I can tell you there is no such thing as middle child syndrome. I actually love being the middle child. I am 32 years old and my older brother is 35 and younger sister is 27. I wouldn't want it any other way! I cannot imagine my life without either of them. If you have a place in your heart for a third, then the other stuff will come. And if you have a large enough car, there is no absolute that you need a bigger one. We have a Honda civic and do just fine. Most cars are made for 5 passengers anyway. You just have to make sure you get the right car seats to fit. Here's a question to ponder: Will you regret not having that third child when it is too late to get pregnant?????? Good luck with your decision.
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Joined: 19 Nov 2007
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 10:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just from reading your second paragraph, you have kind of anwsered your own question. Yes, having kids is hard and maybe adding another will be a bit harder but from your own words "You dream of having three." That is how I was. Even after having my second and being told health wise it would not be a good idea. I wasn't ready to be told that and I wasn't ready to give up just yet.
Now we are expecting in May with our third and I have been told by my doctor that it is high-risk and I will be monitored a great deal but this is something that my heart wanted.
Financially, what can you do. So you put off going on a vacation for two years and instead of eating out every week, you get take out every other. How much does a baby really cost? It is when they get older is when the money will start to fly and by then you might go back to work part-time or full-time. My husband and I are nowhere finacially sound and me not being able to work right away has put a damper on things but this is my LAST pregnancy and I am going to enjoy it to the fullest. I am in the same boat with the car thing. Just bought a Jeep Liberty last year not thinking that we were going to actually have anymore. We are going to try three seats in the back because my oldest can fit into a booster. If not we will have to trade it in and that is what you may have to do too. You are one above us because we only have a three bedroom house so right now we are trying to finish the basement to make an extra room. But I am not too worried because for the first couple of months the baby will sleep in our room anyways.
The decision will be hard but by the sounds of it you don't need convincing you just need it to happen. Good luck and enjoy trying ;)
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Joined: 15 Jul 2007
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Location: Los Angeles

PostPosted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 6:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm right there with you. Only my DD2 is younger and not yet on one nap, so it's not nearly as pressing a matter; but in another year, it will be. I too don't think I'll be able to face going back to the baby stage once I'm through it, even though I actually love babies (but not the sleep deprivation they come with) and I also love being pregnant. Sometimes I think I want to have another baby even though my life feels full to the brim right now just so I can be pregnant and give birth again and be part of that amazing miracle. But I know that's not a very good reason to bring another child into the world.

What I keep trying to tell myself is that I can only do this impossible job of mothering by taking everything one day at a time. Right now is the absolute wrong time to get pregnant again (for me-- my DD2 is 10 and a half months and the two-under-two thing is just not for me). I may keep feeling that way for some time to come. If I keep feeling that way, then maybe that's my answer. If I come to a point when I feel that I can hold my breath and dive in again, we probably will. But until then (barring any "oops" moments), I will try to remember every day that I am incredibly blessed with the two that I have, and that while I'd be blessed again to have a third, if we never do, I won't regret the family that I do have.

So I say when you feel ready (if you ever feel ready), take the plunge. If you don't, though there may be regrets down the road that you didn't have that third baby, at least you will know that you did what felt best at the time for the family you already have.
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 25, 2007 6:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was also on the fence, but we decided to go for it because I don't want to regret not having a third for the rest of my life. It only took us a couple of weeks and I am pregnant!!! I am soooo happy and the kids, ages 3 and 5 1/2, keep kissing my belly and reading the baby stories and singing it songs. It just feels so right and I am happy that I went ahead and took the plunge for the third. I am still nervous about a third, but the doubts have vanished, if that makes sense. Good luck with your decision! :)
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