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STILL can't decide

 
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worrywart



Joined: 20 Aug 2007
Posts: 28
Location: MD

PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2008 4:13 pm    Post subject: STILL can't decide Reply with quote

Okay, not being able to decide this 3-kids thing is totally taking over my life. It's been a year of going back and forth. We tried for 2 months this summer (probably after I was fertile) and didn't get pregnant, and I was relieved. So I took a few months off from trying to reassess, and decided since I was still always thinking about it in the back of my mind, that we should try. So we planned to try for real this month. But then it came time to try, and I started thinking, "Am I talking myself into 3? I shouldn't have to talk myself into 3, I should desperately want 3 to do this!" So I told my husband and he agreed, but then yesterday and today I just felt so sad, thinking that I didn't want to stop at 2. Am I crazy? Do other people go back and forth this much? Also, am I just being selfish? My husband doesn't really want 3 but is willing to go along if it's what I really want. At this point I feel like I'm abusing his good nature! My boys are almost 3 and 5 and get along great. I don't want to ruin things. I panic when I think about having 3, but I get so sad when I think about being done. I also don't want to wait much longer-- I'm almost 35, the boys are sharing a room, and the nursery is just sitting there like a shrine. Anyone have any words of wisdom? I have never been good at making any kind of decision, and it is really showing here!
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jaimedore



Joined: 26 Sep 2007
Posts: 121

PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2008 4:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I felt the same way after my husband finally said ok. I got scared and decided maybe I wasn't so sure about a third. But like you said, I felt sooo sad after deciding that maybe we were done. I decided a couple months later that the sadness was my gut feeling and that my mind was overthinking it. So, I decided that I really did want a third if I was feeling so sad about stopping at two and that I needed to stop analyzing the decision so much and go with how I felt/my instinct. Now I am 16 weeks pregnant with my third, so hopefully I made the right decision!
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carmjoemom
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2008 5:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can so so so relate. I am the same way. I realize that my feelings go with my hormones! When I get AF until about 7 days before ovulation, I'm ready to be done. Then 7 days before ovulation until AF shows, I'm hoping for that #3. Its insane!

We are now taking a break and giving it until June to decide.

I am spending ALL my time wondering if I really WANT a third OR if I'm afraid to be "done". I waited my whole life to have children, wondering what the sex would be, how many we'd have, what it would be like, thinking of names for the children, Godparents of the children etc., and now if we stop at 2, that is all behind me. I can't decide which it is :(
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IManIMx2



Joined: 11 Dec 2007
Posts: 6

PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 4:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I, too, can relate. My DH and I have been going around and around on the topic for almost a year. I think that making the decision about Baby #1 is kind of easy. Either you want children or you don't. And if you know you want children, then you want Baby #1. When it comes to Baby #2, you tell yourself things like "This one baby is so great, it'll be even better to have 2" and "I want my child to have a sibling". You look around you and see tons of couples with two children. So unless you're feeling completely overwhelmed with one child, deciding to have a second is also kind of easy.

Going from 2 to 3 is a tougher call. Your children each have a sibling. You know the joys - and challenges - of handling multiple children. So unless you have two children of the same sex and are longing for the opposite, or you're someone who has always wanted a large family, it's harder to pin down a reason why you want a third. Plus there seem to be plenty of people - at least around me - who are happy to tell you how much harder their lives are due to that third child.

For me, I have to go with my gut, which keeps telling me that for whatever reason, I'm just not done yet.
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2purpleflowers



Joined: 15 Jul 2007
Posts: 497
Location: Los Angeles

PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 7:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="carmjoemom"]I am spending ALL my time wondering if I really WANT a third OR if I'm afraid to be "done". I waited my whole life to have children, wondering what the sex would be, how many we'd have, what it would be like, thinking of names for the children, Godparents of the children etc., and now if we stop at 2, that is all behind me. I can't decide which it is :([/quote]

This really strikes a chord with me. For the past 4 years, my life has been about babies-- being pregnant, having babies, nursing babies. I've been pregnant and/or nursing since December of 2003. It's become my identity. I have always wanted three, but when the reality of what just two was like set in, I started to wonder if I really wanted to do it again. But I get SO SAD thinking that I won't do it again. I don't know if it's because I really want one more, or if it's because I will then need to get used to the new phase in my life and reidentify myself. So I totally hear what you're saying.
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carmjoemom
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 1:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maybe we should make another post to see what we can do to figure out the true answer on that. Its one of my fears. That I'd only have a third because I'm afraid of being done, and the more time that goes by and the older my two get, the more I'm thinking this may be the case. I just don't want to leave my son's age right now (20 months old).
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worrywart



Joined: 20 Aug 2007
Posts: 28
Location: MD

PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 2:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, we went ahead and started trying for three. This is the month we had planned to start, and I was driving my husband insane with my flip-flopping. I alternately feel very happy about it and very worried that I didn't base my decision on firm enough desire. But the bottom line is, every time I'd decide we were done, I would think, "Now what birth control can we use that has a high failure rate?" LOL We've been using expired condoms, the withdrawal method, and a diaphragm for a year (not all at the same time, LOL). I decided we needed to make a real decision. Plus, like everyone says, if you think about it as much as I have, you really might regret not going through with it later when the kids are older and you only have two.

But it is scary!
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