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broodingabout3



Joined: 27 Jun 2011
Posts: 5
Location: Redmond, WA

PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 9:32 pm    Post subject: Introducing myself :) Reply with quote

First, a confession, I have been lurking. :)

It's been so helpful to read about all of your different experiences. It's really helped me manage my third child obsession.

Like my profile name says, I'm brooding about. And I mean, SERIOUSLY brooding about 3. I have two DS 3.5 and 1.5 years. Ever since the second was born, I have felt like I wanted to have one more. I thought I'd give it a year and see if I felt the same. I did. Now almost 6 months after that and they feeling has not faded.

DH and I both work full time and I worry about the logistics of three children and two working parents, especially as the kids get older and into more time intensive activities. And this week we had some unexpected doctor and dentist appointments when DS#1 did a face plant and nearly knocked his teeth out (poor baby). Its been a horrible week - we are all stretched a little thin and of course, DS#1 is really miserable and acting out in all the usual horrible ways of a 3 year old. I think of that times three and panic.

I kind of feel that we'd find a way to work out the time, space, money, logistics...but not sure DH would agree. I think if I even broached the subject after the week we've had, he'd faint with the idea.

Any thoughts from working moms out there?

PS - When did a family with three children become considered large?!
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swedie



Joined: 16 Jan 2011
Posts: 30

PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 11:30 pm    Post subject: Same position Reply with quote

I am in the exact position as yourself. My DS will be 4 this month and DS#2 will be 18 months. I was a lurker on this board too and couldn't believe how many other women were in the same position...deciding if a third would be a good choice. My husband and I both work full time, I am 36, so age was a bit of a consideration, as well as finances. I kept trying to figure out if this was a decision to be made with your head or your heart. Anyways, after many posts and chats with my husband, we have decided to go for it! We are going to start trying this cycle...I say go for it! Like many women on here said, you will never regret the children you have, but you may regret the decision to not have more. Good luck with your decision!
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walkbyfaith



Joined: 03 Aug 2009
Posts: 499

PostPosted: Sat Jul 16, 2011 12:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Welcome! How nice that you came out of lurkdom. :) I truly do think the logistics just works out. Really, if the baby comes, what else can you do but hike up your sleeves and make it work. For the most part, I don't think having three is that much different than having two. I have three girls who are 8.5, 7, and 4. I would say the things that seem a lot "more" are dishes and laundry. That, and the amount of activities the kids are in. My girls all do gymnastics and dance, so the nice thing is that I can schedule them together as much as possible. The expense gets to be a lot, but I think we just happened to pick two really expensive activities. Since I started them all so young, I'd feel bad to take it away now. So since your guys are little, keep that in mind if they start getting into activities! Haha. I have been a stay at home mom forever, so I can't help you with balancing the work aspect, but I imagine if you can do it with 2, you can do it with 3.

Your question about when did 3 kids become a large family...believe it or not I have a theory about that. I think about my grandparents' generation raising such large families. In some ways, I think it was probably easier for my grandma to raise her large family than for me to raise 3, because of the times. I'm sure they stayed home much of the time. Yes, there was more manual labor...she washed the clothes with an old ringer washer, cooked from scratch, never used paper plates, grew a lot of her own food. But, from the weeks I spent with her every year, that was pretty much what she did. I think life has become so fast paced, that even having a couple kids is so hard to balance, especially for moms who work outside the home. She wasn't running one kid to preschool, one to elementary across town, one to soccer, one to dance, volunteering for PTA, etc. I think the overall pace of life made a bigger family manageable. With our modern pace, I believe 3 feels like a lot to manage, and just feels bigger. When I corral my three through the grocery store or library, I don't think my grandma had to do that kind of thing as much. It was a once a month trip to the nearest town for some necessities and that was about it. Not so much stuff, clutter, toys, massive amounts of clothes and school papers, etc. OK, I'll stop rambling....I just love the topic of family size. :)

Best wishes as you make your decision about #3. You will find lots of support here! :) Swedie...congrats on taking the plunge for #3!!
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kkimbrell



Joined: 11 Jun 2010
Posts: 192
Location: Snellville, GA

PostPosted: Sat Jul 16, 2011 1:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Welcome! How exciting that you are considering a third! I agree with walkbyfaith that it does all work out. For us, the biggest factor was making a written budget that we follow each month. You can cut a lot of corners by cutting back on lifestyle and making some changes like not eating out, cutting cable, things like that. I am not currently a working mom, but I did work with my first. I really admire your ability to do it with two. Hope you'll find some good input here to help you with the decision!
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mommy2-2



Joined: 24 Jun 2011
Posts: 234

PostPosted: Sat Jul 16, 2011 2:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I recently stepped out of "lurkdom" as well and I am completely amazed that there are so many of us in the same boat! Welcome to the board and I hope you find the support you need. I'm still changing my mind day to day (but I don't have a husband within thousands of miles, so it's all in my mind right now! LOL Gotta love the Army).
I truly felt that 2 was the right number for us until our little guy was born, and almost immediately I found myself aching at the idea of "it" being over and finding myself pining for another child...not just another baby, but another member of the family (though the squishy baby days are like crack to me! LOL) This is coming from someone who thought I never wanted kids. Here I am a SAHM now, having given up my career, wondering if we should have more kids! God has a great sense of humor!
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nata



Joined: 19 Apr 2010
Posts: 297

PostPosted: Sat Jul 16, 2011 6:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

welcome to the board!
For me what helped, was waiting for the children to grow up a little bit. We started TTC when DS1 was 7 en DS2 nearly 4...before that I every day had the moments like "OMG...I should be crazy even wanting to add a baby to this mix". But the most terrible was making the decision, took me almost 2 years...One day I felt I should go for it, then the next day it seemed the most crazy idea. As for work..well, I am going to continue working once the baby is born, we really need my income.
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CAN'TDECIDE!



Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Posts: 968

PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 4:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Welcome..you are SO in the right area....all of us have been where you are at...and some of us...ME..are STILL there and with me I SHOULD Know better to get off the roller coaster...but I don't.....LOL But for me I am around 90% sure I am ready to be done! It's just that stupid 10% that keeps me STILL thinking!
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melicovas



Joined: 05 Nov 2007
Posts: 145
Location: Texas

PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2011 7:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello!! I, too, lurked for a while while doing my own obsessive internet searches on having 3 kids. But anyway we have 3 , I work FT so does the hubby.

Logistics that have changed: 1) we got a used Expedition 2) the food bill has increase b.c the oldest 2 (ages 7 and 5) eat like they're starving ALL the time 3) we have to choose 1 or 2 (MAX) activities for the kids to do and when possible, they do classes at same time (ie- gymnastics ) 4) I work 7:30-4;30 even though it's not popular among the coworkers so I can get home and not be SO hectic

All I know I would well up with tears of joy reading the posts here when I decided, we gotta do it.

Now I am brooding over a 4th.. .
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broodingabout3



Joined: 27 Jun 2011
Posts: 5
Location: Redmond, WA

PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2011 10:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for all the kind words. I think I need to have a heart to heart with DH about this. I have a hard time summoning the courage!
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CAN'TDECIDE!



Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Posts: 968

PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2011 4:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey..you have nothing to lose talking to your DH...at least you will know a direct path you both will take and be on the same page. Good Luck!
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