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Losin' it~
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mommy2-2



Joined: 24 Jun 2011
Posts: 234

PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 1:18 am    Post subject: Losin' it~ Reply with quote

Ok, here it goes.
I am having a day (week) from He%% and these 2 kids are making me totally crazy. Dh is deployed (as you well know by now), I have no family around, few friends, and we just returned from 2 weeks with my parents, so kids are in "massive grandparent withdrawal mode". Everything I own seems to be breaking down, everything I've ordered or bought has not worked and needs to be sent back, the car won't start, and there is no sleep to be had AND I am PMSing royally.
Today I feel like the worst mom...I am yelling way too much, I am irritable, snippy and just not nice.

Tell me...how can I feel like I cannot even handle the life I have and still consider another child??? Honestly, right now, it's a "no", but I know once things settle down it will be back on my mind. Did you guys/do you guys have days like this? Maybe this is life just telling me to "give it up" and stick with what I've got, because apparently, I'm over my head as it is.
And please, "Can't Decide" DO NOT tell me more about how your boys were so darn easy right now! LOL :oops:
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mtchen79



Joined: 20 Sep 2010
Posts: 37

PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 2:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So sorry to hear about your rough week! That would be more than enough for any 1 parent to handle on her own!

To answer your question, yes, there were many times that DH or I or both of us together wondered if adding another child was about as brilliant as having a hole in our head. The hard times are very hard. It's those wonderful moments that pull you out of the rut and get you into thinking that maybe it wouldn't be so difficult to have another.

Cut yourself some slack, you are doing this by yourself 24/7. It's not strange that you would want another child, it's just hard to stretch yourself for all the different people's needs plus your own. Do you have mommy friends you can do a playdate with to give you a little breather or adult talk time?

If anything, just remember that tomorrow is a new day to start over. Kids are good about that, too, so hang in there.
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2purpleflowers



Joined: 15 Jul 2007
Posts: 497
Location: Los Angeles

PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 4:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Of COURSE I had days like that! And I had the very same thoughts: How can I be feeling like this, and handling my two girls so poorly and STILL be considering a third? Well... because. You know how they say that the people you love most are the ones who also make you most angry, and drive you the most crazy? Well, I guess we just want more love and more crazy in our lives! There were times when I was pregnant with DD3 when I seriously wondered what on earth I had done, because I was just SO DONE with my girls to the point that I actually had to turn them over to DH the second he walked through the door (when I was that lucky; he was a resident, so often he wasn't home until they were in bed) and head out on my own to blow off some steam. FWIW, I found that the ages that your kids are now, (4 and 1 and a half, right?) to be the most crazy making. Four year olds are very much all about testing every rule, and one and a half year olds are just plain crazy with no reasoning skills. The two kids can't yet quite play together, they both want constant entertainment, and it's like having the Tasmanian Devil in your house ready to whirl everything into chaos the second you stop paying attention to them to say, cook dinner or unload the dishwasher. But somewhere around the time the second one turns two, they start playing together (and fighting, unfortunately), and really being able to occupy each other. It just gets better from there. Actually, adding my third wasn't as hard because my DD2 had her older sister to play with when I was tied up. They still are super close because of it.

{{{HUGS}}}. It gets better. Your DH is home in November? Find yourself some good mama friends to hang with as often as possible to save your sanity, and roll on November!
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kkimbrell



Joined: 11 Jun 2010
Posts: 192
Location: Snellville, GA

PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 1:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have always marveled at military wives and how they do it all on their own. You have an extremely tough job right now. Will your DH be back full time when you guys are thinking of having another? That's a huge factor IMO.

This situation is not exactly the same as yours, but when my 2nd was first born, we had recently moved and I left work, so I knew noone in our new place. DH was going to school 3-4 nights a week, so I was alone basically from 8am-10pm those days/nights. I didn't think I was going crazy, I WAS going crazy! Now, you'd probably have loved to have had that, right? Well, my point is, I joined 2 local mommy groups and that alone radically changed my outlook. It was so so much better for me to get out and for the kids to get out. Having other moms to talk with face to face, even just to know I wasn't alone has helped me on those days you're talking about. I still have them often.

As DH and I discuss a 4th....the big thing that has come up is....we feel we can be pretty good parents to 3....on my bad days that is in question :)
But, if we did have another, would that be good for them? Since we've had our 3 within 3.5 years of each other, we've been pregnant/in the newborn stage for 4.5 years now, and it is so stressful. We get irritable and have to continually fight the temptation to lose our tempers w/ the kids. There comes a point when you just "lose it" and we don't want to have another and then they all suffer b/c mom and dad just can't be the best parents that we want to be b/c we're so mentally/emotionally spent. I'm not sure if this relates to you, but maybe it helps.
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mommy2-2



Joined: 24 Jun 2011
Posts: 234

PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 2:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I cannot thank you all enough. Your responses have meant the world to me. I am feeling much better today and started the day on a much better note. It's amazing to find that you're not alone, even if your "comrades in arms" are strangers on the internet!
( and maybe TMI, but PMS relieved and now I feel SO much better...think I need to go see my doc...it's never been this bad before).

Thank you all again.
You are truly amazing.
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2purpleflowers



Joined: 15 Jul 2007
Posts: 497
Location: Los Angeles

PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 3:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

FWIW, I have found that my PMS has most definitely worsened with age. It's so much worse now than when I was in my twenties. Some months I'm practically homicidal. It's quite a bit better, though, when I exercise regularly, which I've been doing lately, and this month I just had some moderate irritability rather than incredible rage and fury. Also, the exercise gives me regular time alone, which is awesome. That would be trickier for you, but maybe you could join the Y or something. They have a child watch that is super-low cost, and mine (which I have not yet joined, but probably will) has monthly "parents' night out" events which, could really give you a nice break now and then.
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CAN'TDECIDE!



Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Posts: 968

PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 4:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I always talk about how my boys have ALWAYS been easy, because honestly HAD they been hard anytime in their life...MAYBE just maybe I would have already come to my senses and been DONE already. LOL Remember my kids are almost 13 and 15 and by this point I should be, (laugh) walking into the sunset with my DH and on to a new chapter in my life...I have been on this wanting a 3rd for over 10 years!!! I mean enough already I always think! Plus, At least you have a day here and there where you are going nuts...I never had such wonderful luck....:-)
So my goal is to focus on my miserable health issues so I can remind myself daily how lucky I am to have it SO easy...because who knows what number 3 or more would be like?????? Yikes!
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CAN'TDECIDE!



Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Posts: 968

PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 4:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

PS. Just so you know, I also have not ever had to raise my boys with little/no help....I have always had my Mom at my disposal as often as I like and a DH who is home everyday at 5-6 pm, and he never travels...so as great as my kids have always been, I mean really, who knows HOW I would have felt, with all my severe postpartum health issues without help. In your case, even if you do have days where you are losin it as you say....you really shouldn't feel bad at all. :-)
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nata



Joined: 19 Apr 2010
Posts: 297

PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2011 7:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think the ages your children have are very challenging..I have here a 7 (almost 8) and a 4 year old, and it is still difficult sometimes..yesterday clearly had a bad day, irritated at children etc..but OK, 40 weeks pregnant with the third, so it is a bit late for regrets in my case :))

I think you get this kind of days that you described with 4, 3, 2 children and even one child can drive you crazy sometimes. Its just normal life, bringing up children is a challenge. So I would not let "bad days" affect my 3d child decision. In a way, you even have less problems when they are little. A friend of mine has 3: girls aged 12 and 9 and an almost 2-year old. Well, it is the 12 and the 9 year old she is busy with, especially the 12 year old, going into puberty, starting in a new school next schoolyear etc..
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Pepper100



Joined: 12 Jan 2009
Posts: 142
Location: Hull, England

PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2011 11:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am feeling exactly the same re: crazy life but still want another.

At the moment we are trying to get planning permission to build an extension on our house (to make an extra room for number 3). Our neighbours are dead against it and now we are public enemy no.1 around here with no-one talking to us but plenty about us with everyone else and evil looks etc. Our local councillor has now got involved and we may have to make a speech in front of a committee.

We have now seen a new house we like but as we have only just put ours on the market and the new house (which I now desperately want) is also being pursued by another buyer who is just having trouble with getting a mortgage, we might not end up having it. I am trying to keep the house clean and tidy for when people come around and just feel like I am constantly battling.

DD finished school yesterday, thank god but for the last couple of weeks, I have had to keep up with what she needed to take each day, going into school for performances etc. This year all her year was split up and she ended up in a class with none of her friends so I have had that to sort out too.

My brand new steam mop, house alarm and cooker have all broke.

My DS who is 3.5 but who has had development problems due to glue ear went swimming in a new class where he went in on his own. He is a good swimmer but doesn't take instructions well. He didn't want to join in but got into the pool and lost his armband on one side. The teacher and the life guard didn't see him but as I was there, mothers instinct kicked in so I waded in after him............ in my clothes. I had to spend the whole lesson stood there with wet trousers and wait until I got home to dry them.

My DS worries me too because of his problems, we are potty training at the minute and he starts school in 1 year and I just can't imagine him coming on enough in that time. He still seems so much like a baby.

Put on top of that the fact that we have been ttc for 11 months and have had 2 m/c's. What with the normal things needed to keep the house running, I just feel shattered and stressed out.

But..........I still want another. Go figure!!!!

Thanks Mommy 2-2. I needed a vent.
x
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wyowyome



Joined: 01 Apr 2010
Posts: 319
Location: WY

PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2011 3:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yup- just like everyone else says... it's perfectly normal!

Here's what I did this week to be feeling so overwhelmed I can't believe I have any business adding another being to this family:

We've had a camping trip planned for 6 mos. I orchestrated it and had everyone get the same time off for it. The wknd I set was Aug.11th.

I took my kids to a pool the other day and finally looked ahead in my planner while they swam... only to discover I was scheduled to work THE ENTIRE WEEKEND I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE REQUESTED MYSELF OFF! Apparenly I had such a brain glitch that it never occured to me that was THE weekend! I even had a Dr. appt scheduled for the 11th... It never dawned on me!

I went to work that night in a panic, begged and pleaded and changed my entire schedule around (at a high cost to me: worse shifts, too many too close, etc..)

Finally got the whole thing re-arranged... and then our friends we were planning to travel with CANCELLED! Now I am stuck with all these crappy shifts (0ne overlaps a trip out of town for a wedding I am still working on a remedy for), working my ASS off...and all for nothing!

If I can totally FORGET an entire week I am responsible for pulling together... how the hell am I going to handle another child?! Sigh.

See... you're not alone! When things get busy or bad- they do it in full force!
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CAN'TDECIDE!



Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Posts: 968

PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2011 4:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey...whats life if it isn't crazy sometimes? LOL

Actually, I am trying hard to simplify life and my goal is to not be going nuts! It really has been an eye-opener these last few years realizing that I really had a life that was SO full that life was just one big fog. I have ultimately been cutting a ton of things out and still am looking for ways to do more. I just one day got up and thought...my Mom and grandparents lived so much simpler, had less and were happier, and as I looked at my family, we were involved in so much, were gone all the time, and had a schedule that was now looking back, stupid! So something HAD to change and it has. IF DH and I ever would add that 3rd, LOL...my goal is to do even LESS. Much as I enjoy a full house and schedule and MY stuff....I see the difference in our family LIVING differently...not that I hated my life before..but really I didn't stop. Today, I still go..but its on a bike, no longer do I keep an eye on my watch and NEED to be in a 100 different places....thank GOD! To me, now...I just want an easier lifestyle...maybe its my age...I am now officially 39! Yikes!
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mommy2-2



Joined: 24 Jun 2011
Posts: 234

PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2011 5:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Looks like I have opened a can of worms here! And I am SO glad! It sounds like so many of us have days, weeks, more that almost put us over the edge...and yet we keep on hanging on! (I guess there really isn't much other choice, is there???)
Keep the stories and "confessions" coming...it feels so good to read that we are all human and that as crazy and frustrating and at time, infuriating, life becomes, the desire and love for our families remain unconditional!

Thanks again ladies! And hang in there!
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2blue1pink



Joined: 23 May 2010
Posts: 228

PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2011 9:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Today, my 2.5 year old toddler DD ran into a busy parking lot. As I caught her, she spit in my face. I put her in her carseat and when we got to our destination, I discovered she had peed in her seat.

2 hours later, I'm taking apart her cover to throw in the wash. I had put her in her crib to take a nap about 45 minutes before. I look up from the washer, and she's standing next to me. She told me that she got herself out because noone came and got her like she had asked.

My husband called on his way home from work. I was updating him about our need to transfer said DD to a big bed (it's sad for us, she's the only child of our 3 that's actually slept in a crib and we like the restraint, lol). Our conversation was interrupted from A- #1 child stepping on #2 child's hand purposefully, to inflict pain; B- #2 screaming from pain about his hand, and then yelling at #3 for stealing his balloon. C- #3 running back and forth between her bedroom and her brother's room stealing precious items for the sole purpose of getting negative attention (she has a tendency to climb on his bed and pull all of his special assembled legos off of his shelf, and then break them apart

My floors are littered with toys. I have folded laundry from 4 days ago that has not been put away and it's still sitting on my couch.

On August 1st I'm going to see my fertility specialist to conceive #4. I have been unsuccessfully ttc for 13 cycles.

Truly. . . . I must be crazy.
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mommy2-2



Joined: 24 Jun 2011
Posts: 234

PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2011 10:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

2blue1pink...
Wow...
My question to you is...how did you handle it? In a previous life I think I would have been able to do it the "right way", but these days I probably would have ended up the "screaming ranting lunatic" lady...throwing my own temper tantrum.
If you were able to stay composed...HOW, short of Xanax, did you do so????
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